Get a GripSýnishorn

#4 Forgiveness

Congratulations on making it to day 4! Last time we did the hard work of “Cleansing the Temple.” Hopefully, you are feeling encouraged in your process to get a grip on the behaviors that are out of control in your life. You’re almost done with the hard stuff, there’s just one more thing to do - Forgiveness.

Many of my clients over the years have had struggles with forgiving. Remember, forgiving doesn’t mean automatically allowing this person back into your life. It also doesn’t mean that what they did to hurt you is okay. Forgiveness allows you to rest in the peace that you are being obedient to God. It can help relieve a sense of revenge, anger, or rage that can destroy you spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Christ paid too much for his beloved ones to have them be slaves to anything, particularly hatred or unforgiveness. He wants his children free. And a person is never free when weighed down with bitterness.

Colossians 3:16 says, "Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

Forgiveness can be a very difficult step, so take your time and go easy on yourself. You’ll need two chairs, maybe a box of tissues, and some quiet time where you won’t be interrupted.

Step 1. Assume the role of the one who hurt you

Place two chairs facing each other. Pick a chair to sit in and begin to role-play as your offender. Have them ask you (the empty chair) for forgiveness for all they have done to you.

Step 2. Role-play your response as the one offended

Get up from chair A and move to chair B. Once you are sitting, decide how you want to respond to your offender. Now is the time to be honest, if you are not ready to forgive them then take your time. Do what is real, not what you think you are supposed to do in the moment. If you are not ready try again in a week or so. Once you do feel ready to forgive them, move to the next step.

Step 3. Role-play the offenders’ response to forgiveness

Get up and go back to chair A. Respond as your offender to your offer of forgiveness.

Step 4. Forgive yourself

Sit in chair A and ask forgiveness for whatever mistake, choice, or sin you have committed toward yourself in chair B. Then move to chair B and respond to yourself (hopefully forgiving yourself). When ready go back to chair A and respond to being forgiven.

As you do these exercises and move through the forgiveness of others and yourself, you are moving along in your journey toward getting a grip on what has been controlling you. As you do this, the door will swing open to an entirely new and refreshing way of life where you feel free to trust others. This new ability to trust others rather than put up walls of protection is a foundation you will build upon as we head to our next step.