The Vibes You FeelSýnishorn

I Ran for My Life

I remember being about ten or eleven years old, sitting in a church revival as my mother got up to speak. I can still see myself in my brand-new brown and turquoise two-piece suit. It was my first time wearing a tiny heel on my black square-toe shoes. While the shoes didn’t match this outfit, I made them work because they were my favorite! I felt grown up. But that outfit isn’t what made this day so memorable.

As I listened to my mother preach a powerful message, God’s Spirit fueled me, and suddenly I was carried through the room. With my eyes wide open and filled with tears, I ran, ducked, and dodged people around me like I had superpowers. “Holy Ghost, carry her! Run, run,” I heard my mother calling out. I tried stopping, but my legs refused to obey. It was almost like they had a mind of their own. This was when I knew it was the Holy Spirit! I cried even harder and agreed with the run. This was one of those “Holy Spirit encounters.” In the past, I’d laughed and teased people about dancing in the Spirit. Now, I was the one who found it impossible to sit down.

In another service, while our home church was in revival, I felt the presence of God, but it was a different kind of experience. I cried out of desperation and repentance—overwhelmed, I wanted to show my seriousness—and felt so radical! I decided I was going to do what I did last time. However, the difference was I closed my eyes and started running alone around the church. Next thing I knew, I’d tripped over a woman in the aisle and fell flat on my face. As I lay on the floor that day, I asked, “What happened?” It felt like I had tried activating the superpower, but it wouldn’t work. I was highly embarrassed. However, I learned two lessons I have never forgotten. The first was that the power of the Spirit didn’t happen by “me.”

Don’t fake.

Don’t play.

Don’t make the experience more than what God is asking for at that moment, and don’t do something because everyone else is doing it. Only run or move when you know it’s God.

The Holy Spirit is not an “it” for us to manipulate or control. He’s not a “force” like in Star Wars. Nor is He some fairy dust to grab in our hands from the air and fling around when we feel like it. We don’t step into or out of this “thing.” The Holy Spirit is God in our lives; his presence is with us.

However, even when we think we’re being respectful, we might get ahead of ourselves and disconnect from the Lord because we let the human overtake the spiritual. I assumed I could tell the Holy Spirit, “Come on, let’s run again. That was fun!” The Lord made the truth about the Holy Spirit plain to me as I lay on the floor the second time I ran. He’s not a play toy. And he is not under my control. After accepting this truth about my spiritual encounters, I began praying, “Father, please never lift your hand from me. Please don’t let me run without you because I don’t want to trip and fall.” This moment also reminded me that I cannot blame God for my mistakes or think God allows bad things to happen to us. Sometimes, we try to take control but make things worse when it’s his will for us to be still.

The second lesson God taught me was that His Spirit reveals himself in many ways. As a child, he began to teach me reverence and how to acknowledge him with high regard. To move when he says “Go,” and not on my timing.

After my second run happened, I asked some family and friends, “Did you see me fall?” None of them had. I then felt like, This was just a moment with God and me because it happened in the back of the church. I imagined I looked like Jacob wrestling with God. (Picture a human being wrestling in public with a spiritual being. That makes me laugh.) God was hiding me so no one would see my fall, so what came after could be a conversation between him and me. This second spiritual encounter wasn’t physical and showy, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t deep.

During this time, I also sat in a Bible study and learned about the diversity of gifts. God lays out that truth in 1 Corinthians 12:4–10.

God is a master at giving his children a variety of spiritual gifts. Unfortunately, some of us make it about having a certain one. A few of my friends had received the gift of tongues. I felt left out as if my gift of singing and feeling the Spirit in my soul wasn’t on the same level. I didn’t feel unaccomplished. But when we react that way, it is like we’re diminishing the Spirit and what God is specially preparing us to become through the gifts we have. Don’t feel put down or lesser if he doesn’t appear how you expect him to or in a “big” way. There is no small gift from God if we’re willing to accept what we have. From this Scripture in Corinthians, God tells us we can stand strong. He shows up for each of us in the way we need.

A few characters in the Bible that I could identify with, in terms of what happened to me when I danced in the church that Sunday, came to mind as I studied. The Israelites walked through the Red Sea on dry land, then watched their Egyptian enemies drown. In her joy over God’s protection, Miriam picked up her tambourine, then led the women in singing and dancing (Exodus 15:20–21). The Bible even calls her a prophetess in those verses because God used her to speak to the Israelites. Another example is King David when he finally moved the ark of the Lord from the wilderness to Jerusalem. The king refused to contain his joy over bringing God back to his people. He danced before the ark as he moved it into the city (2 Samuel 6:14). And even when people tried to make fun of him—including one of his wives—David wouldn’t stop because he knew his dancing pleased God. That was all that mattered to him.

Like Miriam and David, I got my turn, but I’ve learned the Holy Spirit never asks us to do anything that would harm us or bring disaster. He always guides us toward experiences that bring us closer to God and serve the kingdom. He only wants the best.

Father, I thank you for your grace. Forgive me when I move too fast or try to force what I think is right. And thank you for teaching me even in my most embarrassing moments. Help me stay connected with you—not for people’s applause but for your smile. Help me to be spirit-driven and not self-driven. I see how fast and smooth I can go when I’m running with you and that when you’re not with me, it can be a disaster. Holy Spirit, continue to teach and show me the difference. Have the necessary conversations with me while you shield me from ridicule. Amen.

We adapted this plan from the book, “The Vibes You Feel” by Kierra Sheard-Kelly. Learn more here: The Vibes You Feel - Zonderkidz I Ran for My Life