SAFEGUARD #2
COMMITTING TO GROWTH

Earlier, we encouraged you to marry who someone already is, not what they can become, so that you don’t enter marriage from a place of wishing your spouse was something they aren’t. However, to maintain a healthy and strong marriage, both individuals must be committed to continual growth.

Stay in a learning and growing posture. Don’t stop learning about your spouse. Don’t stop developing your personal and public self. Don’t stop growing your business and finances. Don’t stop growing your communication. Don’t stop being willing to take input and advice. Be committed to growth and continue to invite the input of others around you.

Take Ownership of Your Marriage Growth

As I noted earlier in the book, one of the greatest marriage lessons that Pastor Jurgen passed along is the revelation from God that our wives are a product of our husbandry.

Your wife is a product of your husbandry. And your husband flourishes off your words.

It’s not always easy to embrace this concept because it means we have to own our marriage issues and growth. It’s easier to try to blame issues or dysfunction on your spouse rather than realize that God gave you to your spouse to encourage, serve, and strengthen. So, if your wife isn’t growing, you need to take ownership of that; if your husband isn’t growing, you need to take ownership of supporting their growth.

Create A Space And Place For Growth.

A key reason people get stuck is because of the fear of failure. We get nervous to step out of our comfort zone because of the concern of what people might think, specifically what our spouse says. So, to ease that concern, it’s essential that you commit to creating an atmosphere where you can both try, fail, and get back up again. Don’t rub past failures in their face. If you do, you’ll send a message that they need to keep quiet and not try again. How you respond when your husband or wife finally steps out to express love or grow in any way is important.

I’m a words-of-affirmation guy, and as you may suspect, I married my opposite, so it was difficult for Katie to express words of affirmation when we were first married. But, because my wife is amazing, she continued to grow in this area, which I wanted to encourage. So, I don’t downplay the note she writes in a card or those initial awkward attempts at more verbally expressive love; I celebrate and appreciate her where she is in that growth journey. In the same way, I appreciate her grace when I awkwardly try to plan genuine quality time moments. But here’s the truth: you’ll get more of what you honor and celebrate in your marriage. So, be each other’s biggest fan and cheerleader, and watch how they will continue to grow!