Overcoming LustSýnishorn

Lust Is Often a Symptom of Deeper Things

For over a decade, I watched porn. I desperately wanted to stop but didn’t know how or why I repeatedly went back to it. Then, I learned that porn makes false promises. It says it can make us feel loved and accepted, but it can’t meet our deepest longings. It can’t love us back. It objectifies people. Often, it is not created consensually and desensitizes us to abuse. It provides a distorted view of sex. It’s addictive. Porn rewires our brains.

Porn, masturbation, and lustful thoughts can be difficult to stop because over time, repeated patterns of thought and behavior lead to fixed neurological pathways in our brains, similar to what we call muscle memory. Over time, it becomes easier to repeat the same unhealthy patterns. But even when it feels like giving in is inevitable, like your patterns of thought are so ingrained,it’s not too late. Those fixed patterns in your brain can be rewired leading to new pathways. Maybe you were filled with lust, but you stopped yourself from seeking porn—that’s a big win. Large victories are often the product of many smaller ones. Don’t give up.

Everyone experiences sexual arousal. We were created as sexual beings. But we are often most susceptible to sexual sin when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. We are susceptible when our deeper longings are going unmet or have been outright rejected. See, God created us with legitimate longings—such as the desire for love, acceptance, and safety—that are intended to be fulfilled in relationships. When those longings go unmet, we can develop unhealthy ways of attempting to have them fulfilled. For example, when you feel rejected by people, criticized, or left out, you may find yourself wanting to dwell or sexual thoughts as it temporarily provides pseudo-acceptance or an escape.

In addition, you need to know what triggers your sexual desires. Your triggers may include locations, such as the gym. They may include social media, tv shows, movies, books, or songs. They can include sensations, body types, personality types, and emotions. What’s arousing varies from person to person. Our experiences can lead us to associate certain things with sexual desire. For example, someone who begins to masturbate as a way to escape feelings of anger or rejection may become aroused in the future when those feelings are triggered.

Learning to explore the deeper unmet longings behind lust will help you discover what you are truly longing for and how to have it fulfilled by God and others. In addition, having a plan of what you will do when you are triggered will help you begin to experience change.

God, it can feel overwhelming to battle temptation. Give me the wisdom to recognize my unmet longings and to seek Your help when I am struggling. When I feel weak, give me strength.