Partner BetrayalSýnishorn

Facing this need to control our narrative can feel scary. The truth is that we are still trying to determine what the outcome will be. We cannot control the decisions of our partner. When we try to take control, we end up causing ourselves more pain, conflict, and confusion. We also disrupt God's capacity to form a result. Control can be deceptive even with our good intention and motivation of a need for safety. As fear grows, we buy into the lie that control will eliminate pain.

We do have the ability to choose what we do with this chaos. We can trust the Lord to guide us in our decision-making as we rely not on our strength but on His. Facing transitions that we did not choose, we can decide through this horrendous pain to lean into the Father for love, support, direction, and protection.

Our intolerance of uncertainty results in us rebelling against our believed limitations. Control gives us a sense of domination over certainties, choices, and autonomy. Our most significant efforts to control and change others shift our focus to the externals instead of the heart. This need for control is fear of what may happen because of what has occurred and that anything distant from my power will result in pain, hurt, and loss—creating barriers of distorted protection.

Betrayal trauma can cause us to become hyper-focused on the outcome. Why? Because focusing on the outcome promotes a script that says: "I'm safer, more stable, and more secure if I am in control of the outcome."

As we walk with God to make decisions, heal, and grow, we are walking out His plans for our lives. We will then experience the outcome that is best suited for us an aligned with Him and His plan for our lives. Releasing control of the outcome does not mean we are powerless. Rather, connection through a close relationship with God empowers us to make wise, informed decisions that align with God's plans—resulting in behavior that aligns with whom He has called us to be.

Outcome focus encourages concentration on the end, and our plans, which result in what we wish to achieve. In contrast, God's process encapsulates elaboration on one step at a time, leading to a desired outcome of His plans. Scripture displays that the Lord is a lamp unto our feet, lighting the path for us. We take one step at a time as He lights the way of the path. His lamp is a soothing remedy because we know we have the Comforter with us guiding us.

Proactively seeking God's strength and relying on Him requires us to let Him be a lamp unto our feet. Leaning on our self-reliance brings a quick realization that even a strong woman cannot conquer this battle alone. Hearing God's voice of truth when circumstances and long seasons of disappointment speak loudly takes a surrender of self-reliance. We must trust that the Lord is faithful and can handle our confusion. We function more wholly when our hope is renewed and strengthened. This rest and motivation to choose hope are available to us.

Take a moment to experience God's heart:

1. How does it feel to trust God with this season?

2. What does "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path," in Psalm 119:105 mean to you?