Moving Forward in ForgivenessSýnishorn

Importance of Forgiveness

When we feel hurt by our spouse, our default is often to think they need to understand the situation from our perspective. When we focus on what we see as their failure to do so, rather than on extending grace, we begin to express our concerns from a place of resentment instead of forgiveness. We may even keep holding onto resentment after they have apologized.

I expressed to my husband that I felt hurt by a comment made by a family member. It was not major to him, but it was a big deal to me. Even though he apologized that I was hurt, I still harbored resentment. In my prayer time, the Lord began to speak to me about my feelings toward that moment. I thought my husband did not speak up for me, but the Lord showed me he did. The Lord helped me to understand that he did it his way.

See, I was holding on to unforgiveness for something that seems small now. Letting go of my perspective of the situation helped me let go of the hurt and forgive.

Here’s the thing: forgiveness is required in marriage. You will face disappointment in your marriage. Our spouse is not perfect; we are not either. We have to remember our spouse is human, and when they hurt us it is often not intentional. Ephesians 4:32 tells us to be “kind, compassionate, and willing to forgive just as God forgave us.”

The Bible also explains in Matthew 6:14-15 the connection between what God does and what we do. If we forgive others, then God will forgive us. If we refuse to forgive, then we cut ourselves off from God’s part. We cannot expect forgiveness from God without forgiving others. When we express forgiveness, we also have to let go of the offense.

Forgiveness is more for you than for the person you forgive. God wants us to forgive because it is what’s best for us. It’s out of his kindness that he wants us to forgive. When we understand the importance of forgiveness, we can move forward in forgiving the hard things. When we forgive and let go of the hurt, we experience the freedom forgiving brings.

Challenge: The next time your spouse does something that is hurtful to you, remind yourself that forgiveness is required daily. Say aloud: My spouse is not perfect, so I choose to forgive daily.

APPLICATION QUESTIONS

1. What things do you need to release? How are you planning to do so?
2. Are you willing to forgive your spouse for the small and big things? Why or why not?
3. In what ways can you communicate any unforgiveness you may have toward your spouse with God?
4. Do you believe God forgives you daily? Why or why not?
5. How can you prevent holding on to unforgiveness?