Unburden YourselfSýnishorn

Self-condemnation is a burden.

Sometimes we can condemn ourselves so regularly that we don’t give God a chance to either convict or comfort us. At times in my motherhood journey, I’d lie in bed in the evenings and replay all my less-than-perfect moments.

Where I’d lost my temper, not measured up, was too lazy or too distracted. Before God, I berated myself for my imperfections and promised Him I’d be better tomorrow. This was my strategy for becoming a better mom: tell myself how awful I was so I’d be encouraged to be better.

This is a demoralizing life strategy that also doesn’t work. I didn’t receive God’s comfort because I wasn’t even praying. I was simply listing all my faults and imperfections to God to let Him know I was on the case. I’d do better tomorrow! I said, “I know, I know. I was bad, the kids deserve better, and you are disappointed in me.”

I was the judge, jury, and executioner at my own trial. I wasn’t even repenting with these diatribes because most of the things I was browbeating myself over weren’t even sins! I never gave God a chance to speak life to me, strengthen me, or let me know I was, in fact, human.

It wasn’t until I realized I was not relying on God’s power but on my own that I was able to make changes - to stop expecting perfection from myself, then whipping myself before God to prove I knew I was not good enough. I started going to Him in prayer honestly and genuinely to receive comfort and direction from Him - to give Him a chance to speak into my life without pushing Him away.

From this place, I learned to receive comfort and direction. I learned to differentiate between relentless self-condemnation and the kindness of the Lord that leads to repentance.

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