The Uninvited GuestSýnishorn

WHAT DO I SAY TO OTHERS IN SUFFERING?

It’s hard to know what to say to someone when they are suffering. Sometimes we say things that cause more pain and suffering because we don’t have a solid theology in this area.

In Job 2:11 we see 3 of Job’s best friends come to comfort him in his suffering. It says as they looked at him from a distance, they did not recognise him. They wept at what they discovered and as they sat with him they did not speak for 7 days such was the intensity of Job’s grief. It was essentially a good start. They were there for Job in his darkest hour.

But then their theories of suffering began and by chapter 16:2, Job exclaimed:

Miserable comforters are you all!

Our need to make sense of suffering is universal. Perhaps we believe that by finding a reason or some greater purpose for the suffering we can alleviate the intensity of it in the present.

However, as Job found out, theories or reasonings people hold to can often cause more pain and suffering for the hearer.

We must realise our perspective is limited. It’s harder to say, ‘I don’t know why you are suffering but I will be here for you', than ‘I’m sure this is happening because...’ We want to have the answers and we want to be the one who brings the answers.

Kelly M Kapic says: Pastors and friends are not called to explain away the pain or to try to give moral lessons for why a particular event is happening. We simply are not privy to such information. While God can and does bring about good through our suffering, that is not the same thing as knowing why God allows it.

We have to acknowledge the difference between God being able to work all things together for good from a belief that he has orchestrated the suffering for your good. They are two very different things.

In one scenario, God has designed the suffering himself. This does not fit with our view of a good Father. The other presupposes suffering happens to everyone in a broken world but that God can do extraordinary things through it. This is a more biblically accurate picture of God’s work in our lives.

So how should we respond to someone else’s suffering?

• Do empathise (weep with those who weep)
• Don’t diminish their pain
• Don’t tell them to toughen up and get over it
• Speak words of hope and encouragement
• Be there
• Don’t ‘flaunt’ your faith but be sensitive to where they are at
• Pray for them
• Bring practical help where possible

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." - 2 Corinthians 1:4

Prayer Point: Lord, help me to come alongside those who are suffering and bring encouragement and hope, not confusion and condemnation. Give me compassion for their situation so I can comfort them like you would.