Making Peace With Saying No!Sýnishorn

Reflections

Think of a recent situation when you wanted to say No but didn’t.

What kept you from saying No? For me, typical barriers to saying No are a desire to please others, a sense of obligation, and/or concern my rejection of the request would harm my relationship with the requestor. Do you have similar thoughts?

Normally after the fact, I think of several ways I could have better handled the situation. Is this true for you?

Reflection is powerful and has its place. However, my preference is to be better prepared to say No at the moment of request. I want to end the cycle of agreeing to do an unwanted task, feeling resentful in performing the unwanted task, pledging not to do this to myself again, and then agreeing to do another unwanted task. To end this unwanted cycle, I have to change my thinking about saying No. I must eliminate doubt and loss as the expected result of my saying No.

I want my saying No to yield peace within myself and with the requestor.

Who should I look to for a demonstration of this remarkable skill of speaking truthfully and purposefully at all times? Jesus, of course!

How would Jesus say No?

Let’s travel back to Jesus’ visit at Martha’s house as recorded in Luke 10:38-40.

Martha, a contemporary of Jesus, lived in the village of Bethany (about 2 miles from Jerusalem) and owned the home she lived in with her younger brother, Lazarus, and younger sister, Mary.

Martha invited Jesus and His group of followers to her home for a meal. They came. Mary sat attentively at Jesus’ feet as He taught while Martha struggled to perform all the hosting chores. In frustration, Martha interrupted Jesus and said, “Lord, don’t you think it’s unfair that my sister left me to do all the work by myself? You should tell her to get up and help me (Luke 10:40, TPT).”

What just happened? Did you hear what I heard? Did Martha just fuss and tell Jesus what to do?

Reflections:

Put yourself in Jesus’ position. In my mind, my initial thoughts to reconcile would include:

- Anger: Why is Martha interrupting my teaching to complain about Mary not helping her?

- Criticism: Did Martha consider the scope of work involved with feeding us before inviting us for dinner?

- Offense: Why is Martha telling me to tell Mary to help her? Why is Martha putting me on blast in front of everyone?

I imagine all action halted as all eyes traveled from Martha’s flushed face to Jesus’ tranquil one. What would Jesus say?