From Depression to Finding God’s JoySýnishorn

Wrestling with God

After my best friend, Kisha, passed away from cancer, I was angry. I had spent hours praying for my friend, a wife, and mother of two young boys, and I had believed God would heal her. The song “Overcomer” was written for Kisha to encourage her in her cancer journey. I struggled to understand why God allowed her to die.

There’s this wild Old Testament story in Genesis 32 where Jacob — one of the Patriarchs of the Israelite people — wrestles with God. Scripture says that one night Jacob wrestled with a man all night. When the man saw he could not overpower Jacob, the man touched Jacob’s hip socket and wrenched it. The mystery man asked Jacob to let him depart at daybreak, but Jacob replied, “Not unless you bless me.” You have to admire Jacob’s boldness and grit.

The man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and … have overcome” (32:28). After that experience, Jacob walked with a limp. He had overcome, receiving the blessing he desired. He became the father of God’s chosen people but would forever carry the scar of the pain involved.

When Kisha died, I felt betrayed by God. I had so much faith, and I was mad when the story didn’t end the way I thought it should. I wanted to give the Lord a piece of my mind. I still wrestle, like Jacob, wanting answers from the Lord. I deeply feel the pain of losing my friend. I will always limp from the loss until I see Kisha in heaven.

How amazing that God invites us to bring our doubts and questions to Him. When I think about that, I’m reminded of how personal and loving our God is, especially in times of tragedy and loss. We may not come through the trials of life unscathed, but we can be certain we will come through them with God by our side.

Getting Real

• The Bible says that Jacob wrestled with God and overcame. What does this passage tell you about what it means to be an overcomer?

• Have you ever been through something that caused you to “limp” like Jacob? What happened? How have you seen God at work in your “limp”?