Blended Families: Biblical Application and EncouragementSýnishorn

No Favorites

“Opening his mouth, Peter said: ‘I most certainly understand now that God is not one to show partiality, but in every nation the one who fears Him and does what is right is acceptable to Him.’” — Acts 10:34-35 (NASB)

Acts 10:34 and Romans 2:11 tell us that God doesn’t operate with partiality. In other words, He has no favorites—and as parents, neither should we.

When navigating life in a blended-family dynamic, it’s imperative we resist the urge to play the “favorites card.” What do I mean? Well, you’re more than likely going to have a bias for your biological child. Don't beat yourself up over that; it's natural. However, it can indeed become increasingly difficult to resist the bias toward your biological child, especially in moments of parental tension and disagreement or even sibling disagreements.

For example, I remember hearing my stepdaughter getting into an argument with my biological daughter, and I had to resist the urge to jump up and run to my biological child's defense. I had to reconcile in my mind that this was essentially a normal sibling dispute that needed to be worked out amongst the siblings. How catastrophic it would have been had I jumped to my biological child's defense. What picture would that have portrayed to my stepdaughter and my wife, her biological mom? Don't answer that . . . I’ll answer it for you. It would have painted a picture of a house divided, and we know that a house divided cannot stand.

Parents, our kids should never feel as though we’re choosing one of them over the other, especially when we’re in a blended-family situation. Blended families come with natural insecurities and triggers that simply won't manifest in a traditional-family setting. There’s the insecurity of the biological parent wanting to feel as if the non-biological parent fully embraces his/her child and vice versa. There’s also the insecurity of the non-biological parent feeling inferior to the outside biological co-parent. There's also the insecurity of the non-biological child wanting to win the approval and love of the stepparent and vice versa. You get the point, right?

All of these unique dynamics have to be intentionally considered and handled with a great deal of sensitivity when blending a family. So, what’s the answer? The answer is more simple than one would think and it’s found in understanding the gospel. The gospel tells us that our affirmation is not given by man, though it feels good to receive affirmation from human beings. Our ultimate affirmation comes from God by way of His son, Jesus Christ! When Jesus died on the cross for us all, He hit the ultimate “like button!” There’s no greater sense of security or weapon against insecurity than that!

When we come to a full understanding of this reality and embrace it, it short circuits the potential for feelings of inferiority or even sinful partiality. The gospel tells us that everyone is invited into God's blended family—literally people from every tribe and tongue. If God our Father in heaven drafted us in when we were undeserving of such a gracious invitation, how much more should we be graciously inviting to our non-biological kids? How much more secure should we feel even if tensions tend to rise in the family? Every family has tension, but not every family understands the gospel. The gospel cuts the tension and softens hearts!

Pause: Read Acts 10:34 and Romans 2:11.

Practice: Practically show your family that everyone in your home is loved with the love of Christ.

Pray: Ask the Lord to help your family grasp a better understanding of the gospel and how to apply it in your unique family structure.