Leading Your Kids Through Difficult EmotionsSýnishorn

Anger

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)

Every angry outburst from our kiddos is an opportunity to start teaching them how to obey God according to Ephesians 4:26-27.

Eventually, we want them to be able to:

1. Recognize when they feel angry

2. Express their anger without sinning against God and others, and

3. Identify and take steps to resolve their anger through connecting to God and others

Anger is born out of hurt. When someone or a situation hurts us, anger provides us with the energy and motivation to do something to stop the hurt.

The first step to teaching our children about anger is naming their anger so they learn to connect the word anger to what they are feeling in their emotions and their body. The second step is to tell them how they may express their anger compared to how they may not.

“I can hear that you feel angry because I said no to a snack. When you feel angry, you can say ‘I’m angry’, you may not yell (growl, hit, etc.).”

We repeat this until our child begins to say for themselves, “I’m angry.” Then we thank them for using their words instead of yelling.

Once they begin naming their anger for themselves, we help them say what they are angry and hurt about. “Thank you for using your words to tell me you feel angry. What do you feel angry about?”

Finally, we help them ask for a resolution. “I’m sorry your friend was mean and hurt you. What would be most helpful to you right now?”

We also model every step of this by using our words to communicate our feelings and desires with our children, so they see that this way of expressing their emotions is normal and helpful. For example: “I feel angry and sad because you colored in your new book that is not a coloring book. Now the words are hard to read, and the pictures are hard to see. Please ask me for a coloring book when you want to color. Do not color in reading books again.”

This is one way to help our children learn to handle their anger without sin.