Growing Your Marriage ‐ Part 2Sýnishorn

Accepting Your Differences

Devotional Content:

I talk to a lot of couples who are dating or engaged. Often I hear the same lines from many of them: “We are so much alike.” “We like all the same things.” This is usually good and is probably one of the things that attracted them to each other. After all, we need to have things in common if we are going to make a marriage work.

But what about differences? They exist in every relationship. We just don’t always see them or we minimize them or we think they will disappear after we get married.The truth is that while two people can like the same things, they are different. The idea is not to try to marry someone who is just like you. First, that will never happen. Second, it would really be pretty boring. Differences are a part of life. The key in marriage is how we handle our differences!

Nancy and I have a lot in common—especially after more than forty years together. But we also have a lot of differences. One of the qualities I liked about Nancy when we were dating was that she was very independent. I felt that we had a healthy dating relationship, and for the most part we really did. But after we married, I wanted my independent wife to depend on me.

I wanted to take care of her, and she thought I wanted to control her. We spent too many years trying to change each other, and that was miserable. When we finally decided to accept our differences and see them as strengths for our relationship, most of our conflicts stopped. It was a long, painful process, but I had to learn to both value and embrace her independence in our marriage.

Once I finally got there, I was able to see the value her independence brought to our marriage—something I had been missing out on. Also, once I accepted her as she was, she let her guard down and we connected in a way we never had before.

Do you accept the differences between you and your spouse? You can either let your differences pull you apart and allow them to be a source of conflict or you can accept and celebrate your differences. I happen to believe that God made us all unique and that our differences are what make our marriages truly special.

Today's Challenge: Accept and enjoy your differences instead of letting them pull you apart.

Going Deeper:

1. Name three ways you and your spouse are alike.

2. Name three ways you and your spouse are different.

3. Was there a quality that you liked in your future spouse while you were dating that has been an issue for you in marriage? How have you handled that?

4. Are there differences you are having trouble accepting in your spouse? What are they?

5. Make a list of these and then put two positive things under each of them.

6. Are you going to accept your differences and embrace them as a gift from God or are you going to let them pull you apart?