The Stressless LifeSýnishorn

Day Five: Dealing with People—How Do I Find God’s Peace in My Relationships?

Scripture: Proverbs 13:20, Matthew 18:15-17, Philippians 2:3

Here’s the question for today: How do we handle the stressors in our relationships in a way that allows us to receive God’s peace rather than be crushed by stress? The first thing you need to do is examine your own heart, asking the Holy Spirit to point out any areas that need to change.

Second, recognize that you aren’t always the problem. That’s why Paul says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people” (Romans 12:18). Sometimes, there are things in a relationship that need to change.

There are three steps you can take to change a relationship that’s causing stress. I am speaking about general relationships here involving friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc. Those more intimate relationships with family members are more complex, so counsel with a spiritual leader or professional counselor may be necessary.

The first step you should take is what I call “step up.” This means acknowledging the problem and confronting the situation. I’m talking about a biblical confrontation, which means it needs to be rooted in the desire for peace. You and I are called to do everything in our power to pursue peace with other people—even during moments of confrontation.

The second step is what I call “step back,” which means establishing boundaries for the relationship to prevent stressors from piling up. And by boundaries, I mean you take the lead in that relationship. You determine how often you spend time with the other person and where the relationship goes. Setting boundaries also includes actively declaring what you are and aren’t comfortable with and being firm in keeping those boundaries. It’s always wise to seek counsel as you establish these boundaries because anytime you are emotionally invested in a relationship, your judgment gets blurred and you need the advice of trusted others.

The final step for changing a stressful relationship is to “step away.” That means either pausing or removing the relationship temporarily or indefinitely. If that sounds harsh, I know. If there’s a relationship that’s producing stress and you have confronted it and invested yourself in trying to set boundaries—if all that has failed, then the wise thing to do is let it go.

Remember that going through the process of dealing with stress in a relationship is so you can be filled to an even greater level with the peace of God.

Did any person(s) come to mind during today’s reading? If so, pray for them and for God’s showing you what new boundaries could honor them and yourself.