Living ReconciledSýnishorn

Day Three: Courageous Attitude 3—You Recognize No One According to the Flesh

Having an attitude that leads to reconciliation means we no longer see or recognize people according to their strife or outbursts of anger. We humans struggle with holding people accountable and yet not defining them according to the flesh. Especially when we have talked and talked and nothing seems to change. Oftentimes, we will begin to judge them, telling ourselves they won’t change, and they are not trustworthy.

Here is what I know. The longer you set your thoughts on someone else’s fallenness, the less likely reconciliation is to happen. I am not talking about sweeping their behaviors under the rug or pretending like the conflict didn’t happen. I am referring to recognizing the real break in relationship, taking control of your thinking, and looking at the situation through the perspective of the gospel. It is only through the gospel that we can begin to see the other person’s fallenness through a Christ-perspective.

It doesn’t mean there is no accountability. It doesn’t mean there may not need to be a change in the relationship. It does mean you begin to bring hope into the situation. It does mean you know, no matter what happens, that the gospel—the work Jesus did on the cross—is great enough.

All of this is more about attitude than anything. When we allow the Holy Spirit to shape our attitudes, and we begin to look at the other person through the sacrifice of Jesus instead of assigning motives and playing God, we will respond with His grace. This grace full response may include accountability and redefining the relationship, but we are truly not playing God. We are assuming the best of the other person.

Prayer is also a crucial means to having this perspective. Cry out to God: “Lord, so-and-so is really blowing up at me right now. In this moment, I remember that You died for them. I remember that all of my bad behavior and their behavior are laid at the cross. Help me not to define my brother/sister according to their bad behavior but rather according to the way you see them. Lord, I am frustrated, and all I can see is the injustice done to me. Help me to see as you see.” I hope this prayer aids in how you might begin to recognize others not by their grievances or sins, but by their newness in Christ.

In conflict, we should not regard others according to their flesh. Reconciliation will very likely not happen as long as we set our thoughts on someone else’s fallenness.