Finding Great FriendsSýnishorn

Part of discerning good friends is to define for yourself which traits don’t make the quality-friend list. While we are called to love all mankind, we are not called to give everyone the same amount of attention or access into our lives. Even Jesus differentiated between the crowd, His followers, His disciples, and His closest friends.

And before we go any farther, I need to burst a bubble that many of us hold dear: While the church is a good place to look for quality friends, it is not full of safe people ready to be great companions.

Disappointed? Yeah, me too. But Jesus warned us that this is the way it would be. Do you remember the parable of the farmer sowing seeds in Matthew 13:3–9 and explained in verses 18-23?

This story is often used to describe why some within the church don’t act the way we think they should. But we forget to apply it more generally to the relationships around us. First of all, not all people within the church are Christian—some don’t even have a solid moral or ethical compass—and we can’t expect them to treat us with biblical values.

Second, not all who have accepted Jesus and/or attend church regularly are learning from God, striving to follow Jesus, or listening to the Holy Spirit’s guidance. The parable is clear. Some of the people around you don’t understand what they hear at church or read in the Bible, and so Satan can snatch the truth they heard or read away from them. Some only allow God to go a little bit into their lives, and so what they do grasp is easily lost in difficult trials. And some are so consumed with fear, worry, and greed that God’s truth has little chance of surviving their worldly focus.

While those people fill your local church, they are not people that you want to entrust your deepest fears and longings to. The ones you want to be on the lookout for are the good-soil people who take in God’s Word and are changed. 

Unfortunately, it can be tough to tell the difference, which is why it’s critical to pray for good friends and proceed slowly into relationships, watching with God’s help for the fruit that only comes from people who allow God to work in their hearts and lives.