FamilySýnishorn

Dealing with Adult Children

Too many Christian parents who have not raised their own children (or feel they have not raised) ‘successfully’ may be feeling the added burden of raising their grandchildren and wanting to do a better job of it. At least, they often assume others see them as partly to blame for their children’s inability to be good parents. The pain we feel as grandparents may be even more profound. Yet we have to come to grips with the promise God has made, to sustain us and carry us through our mistakes.

My husband and I desperately sought to ‘compensate’ in the life of our grandchild, whenever we felt that our son and his wife were not doing a good job. This often brought us into conflict with our daughter-in-law. However, as parents, we have now realized that it is not our responsibility to change the mind of our adult children when their path in life is different from what we had wished or planned for them.

When we don't feel compelled to change our adult child's mind, we can let go with love, which actually allows love to grow between us. It is amazing that the soil that will allow growth is love and respect. What we did not achieve in our younger days – the years that the locusts have eaten will be restored (Joel 2:25) when we look back and learn from our mistakes. It is never too late to change our perspective on old issues like problematic relationships with our children. The road may still be hard and tough, but with a new perspective, we become even more receptive to listen to God’s leading day by day.

God forgives us when we truly acknowledge our failings. But it is also imperative that we forgive ourselves and our children. This goes a long way to ease the pain and the stress we hadn’t expected to feel when our children became adults.

Father, You understand the pain of seeing our children fail. Help us to trust You, and make efforts to reconcile with them and help them succeed. Amen.