Healing From Sexual ShameSýnishorn

Where Does Our Worth Come From?

“I was abused at the age of twelve,” Amber told me, “by someone in authority over me. That’s right about the time I was being introduced to purity culture. We watched a video of a woman holding up a paper heart then tearing it in half. Then she took a hammer to a beautiful vase.” 

One of the most devastating aspects of purity culture is that it convinced young Christians that their worth was determined by their sexual histories. In youth group, roses were passed around rooms full of teenagers, only to be left crumpled and with fewer petals by the time they reached the last person. The idea was that our wholeness and value as humans, and as potential future spouses, was based on our success or failure to maintain sexual purity. Those who sinned sexually, or were sinned against (like Amber), were left to view themselves as crumpled roses, broken vases, and a paper heart torn in half.

What does the Bible say about our worth?

We need to revisit the truths of Scripture to recover from these lies. Genesis 1:27 introduces us to the imago Dei—the theology that all people are created in the image of God. We are born with worth. It is not our achievements, our abilities, or our contributions to society that give us value but God himself. 

Ephesians 2:10 reinforces this truth, calling us God’s “workmanship.” We were created to walk in “good works” to image Christ (ESV). We have a purpose—a destiny—to honor God, our King. And although we don’t do this perfectly, our status as God’s workmanship is glorious and unchanging.

Compare these truths to that crinkled rose. In the same way that our worth is not determined by our achievements, neither is it diminished by our failings. Our value comes from God and cannot be splintered, torn apart, or unraveled. No matter what you have done sexually, or what has been done to you, you are a precious image bearer of God and you have eternal value. 

Take out a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side, list some of the things you believe about yourself in moments of insecurity or shame. You can list here, too, images or messages from purity culture that have haunted you. On the other side, list some of these biblical truths that we looked at today, about your worth and your value in Christ. Keep this list. There will be times when you need to look back at it to remind yourself of what is true.