In UnisonSýnishorn

Adrienne

Before Jeremy and I got married, my dad gave me some marriage advice, which included a pep talk about giving my soon-to-be husband space. Of course, I wrote this off, thinking he clearly didn’t know Jeremy very well.

However, I soon found myself learning that lesson the hard way. As soon as there was any type of conflict between us, I wanted to talk it through immediately, while Jeremy needed room to process. When this happened, I’d feel hurt and rejected, and try to force the issue. It took an argument that ended in him storming into the cold January night in flip flops for me to take my dad’s words to heart. 

Early in our marriage, we realized we had the capacity to pull either the best out of each other or the worst. As we grew in our friendship and love, we realized how vulnerable we were to each other. We saw each other’s worst, but we also got to see the best.

Deal with your issues. Talk about them. But be aware that timing for good, productive conversations is key. Allow each other room to calm down, and while you’re waiting, pray. Pray for each other, inviting Jesus into the middle of it all. Jesus is watching, and I’m pretty sure He would rather be giving you supernatural love and forgiveness, than see you continue to tear each other apart.

Have you ever thought about what Jesus thinks conflict should look like? If we note how He acted while on earth, we’ll see that He confronted people in their sin, pushed back on their ideas, challenged the cultural norm, and spoke truth with boldness, yet in love and respect. Ultimately, when He challenged someone or brought something to the table, it was for the hearer’s growth so they could take a step closer to understanding God.

James 4:1-2 says, “Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it” (MSG). I’m sure Jeremy and I are not the only ones whose bad arguments reek of selfishness and pride. But try arguing with someone who is walking in humility. Try arguing with someone who is quickly willing to own their wrongs. The argument doesn’t go very far.