30 Ways To Strengthen Your FamilySýnishorn

Don’t make your house a “NO!” Zone.

I’ve done thousands of radio interviews around the country on the issue of protecting our homes and families from an ever-invading crude culture. Invariably, at least one well-meaning caller will say something like, “I agree that the culture is evil—so I’ve ripped out the TVs, don’t allow the Internet in my house, and don’t let my kids have cell phones.” Sadly, these parents have mistaken technology and hardware for the problem. The problem isn’t the technology—it’s the way we use it and the way we allow others to misuse it in our homes. Instead of banning everything, we should harness the good and filter out the bad. We should set limits but not shut down access.

You can and should relax, but you can’t let down your guard. You must have hard-and-fast rules without turning your house into a boot camp. How you describe and teach your standards is just as important in protecting your children as what rules and safeguards you adopt for your family. Take this advice from Shannon, who shares how to say yes and no to younger children:

I try to say yes as often as possible—even when it’s “Yes, we can do that tomorrow” (rather than right this minute). Or, “Yes, you may have five raisins” (rather than the three hundred they want). Or, “Yes, you can watch a movie after we pick up the toys together.” And when I have to say no, I try to keep my voice cheerful and my face loving. After all, the refusal is about the stuff rather than about the child. “No, you can’t have another Popsicle now. Nope. Nope. Nope.” And my little ones will usually smile back. And when they continue to ask, I try to stay cheerful and say, “Nope! But we can read a story, and if you are hungry you can have _______ or _______.” And if they are still asking, I’ll say, “What’s the answer to that question?” I try to save the mean face for when there is defiance of me or meanness to each other or dangerous behavior.

And when I give directions and parameters, I phrase them positively as often as possible, as in, “Clean up the spill.” (Telling them not to spill is just a ludicrous idea.) “Talk, please.” (Instead of “Don’t whine!”)

Shannon’s advice can be broadened to apply to teenagers too. “Yes, you can have friends over, but you have to do your homework first.” “Yes, you can go to the movies after you help me clean up.”