The Marriage Talks Part 2 | Love & RespectSýnishorn

Day 2 | Ephesians 5:25-33 | His Love, Her Love

This devotional works best as an audio experience. Hit the play button now, and read along if you like.

Welcome back to the Marriage Talks everyone. Kris Langham back with you again for our second day on that always essential topic of love. We are back in Ephesians 5 today, as we dig deeper to understand not only how to love, but how to express love in a language that your spouse will understand. His love language and her love language are often not the same.

So let’s get started at verse 25:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

Now this command is specifically for the men. Husband, love your wife. But what does that mean precisely? Love is a word with deep meaning and a lot of subtlety. When the New Testament was written in Greek, there were actually four different words that all got translated in English as love. They had separate words for affection, brotherhood, romance, and self-sacrifice. In our English Bible, all four just say love.

Which maybe explains some of our confusion over love, when we use the same word for four very distinct emotions and actions. We’ll dig deeper on those four in our Bible Basics Explained | Love series. When it comes to marriage, we need all four of those. Husband, your wife needs your affection and your brotherhood, and she certainly needs your romance. But the word used here in Ephesians 5 is the deepest of loves. It is agape, the sacrifice of self.

And the example given to you for love is Jesus. It is nothing less than the very cross of Christ. The way that Jesus loves us - how he lays down everything for us, even life itself - that is the way that you are called to love your wife. Put her first always. In every decision, in all your work, and in every ambition, do it for her. Set her needs above your own. Choose an attitude of love toward her, and take action to demonstrate your love with real sacrifices. Put in effort, creativity, talent, work.

Now you have to wonder: in the Bible, is the wife called to love her husband? Yes indeed. Titus 2:4 calls on the older women to teach the younger ones to love their husbands and their children. But it’s interesting, the word for love in Greek there is different. It’s the word for friendship or brotherhood. In other words, your husband is your family now, so learn to be a good friend to your husband.

So what we see is that the husband and wife both need love, but the love they need isn’t exactly the same. And it’s more than just the difference between male and female. Every man is different, and every woman is different. So part of your work here is getting to know your spouse, and learning how they receive love. What is their love language?

Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages, and it’s helped a lot of couples figure this one out. Chapman lists out the following love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Your job is to figure out which are most meaningful to your spouse and learn to speak that language.

Now I won’t dig any further into that here because my job is to explain what the Bible says. But for what it’s worth, I think it’s a great book. And at the heart of it, it is certainly Biblical to put your spouse’s needs above your own, to love them on their terms, and find out what communicates love to them.

And men, this is more than just a weekend project. Learning how to love your wife and make sure she knows she is loved - according to her needs - is your lifelong endeavor. And her needs will change with age and season. Husbands, this is your mission. It will require humility, and sacrifice, and communication, and empathy, and learning to love like Jesus. So devote yourself to this task: love your wife.

Wife, your challenge is just as difficult. And if you need some help, that verse in Titus has a great tip. Get advice. Ask a woman who's been married longer for her wisdom. This works for you and your husband. As a couple, befriend a couple that’s been married longer and learn from their experience. Or ask your church about mentoring couples.

Now back to Ephesians 5. Let’s walk through the verses to find some insight on what husbands can learn from Jesus as their role model. Husband, love your wife just like Jesus loves the church and gave himself up for her, in verse 26:

“…to make her holy” (Ephesians 5:26).

Holy means set apart. Jesus sets His church apart to care for her. And a good husband should set his bride apart from every other woman. No woman in your life is like her. No relationship in life is like this one. Marriage is holy. We’ll come back to that in our next series. For now, back in 26:

“…to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word” (Ephesians 5:26).

Jesus washes our souls clean through the Word. That’s why we’re reading the Bible right now. It’s also why we call this ministry Through the Word. But catch the lesson for husbands and the reason that Jesus does it. Verse 27:

“…to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:27).

Jesus washes us clean to make us radiant. He wants us to shine. And a husband should love and sacrifice and lead His wife in such a way as to make her shine. To make her beautiful. The very sacrifices you make - make her beautiful in your eyes. They set apart a place in your heart - sanctified for her. And notice, Jesus washes us through His word. Husband, speak to your wife words that let her know how special she is, how she is set apart in your heart. Verse 28:

“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:28).

Husband, your wife is your body. Think about it. When your arm hurts, you care for it. When your stomach grumbles, you feed it. And let’s be honest, you do that well. You spend a lot of time and thought and energy and creativity taking care of your body. Now put in that same effort for your wife. She is part of you - the best part. Back in verse 28:

“He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body" (Ephesians 5:28-30).

And then, Paul reminds us of God’s original plan from Genesis.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31-32).

I love how Paul finishes it out. He reminds us of God’s design, then just sort of steps back and marvels at it. He calls it a profound mystery - two becoming one. He marvels at God’s plan for husband and wife, and even more at Jesus and His church.

Then he sums it up back where we started. Husband, love your wife as yourself. Wife, respect your husband. And for that one, we’ll come back tomorrow. For now, discussion questions.

For Thought & Discussion:

If you’re listening together, I want you to do this one differently. This time, write down your answers to both questions before you share it with your spouse.

Question #1: What speaks love to you? List four important things. They can be words or actions - whatever communicates that you are loved. Don’t share yet.

Question #2: How do you speak love to your spouse? Again, write four things, and keep it to yourself.

Once you both have answers to both questions, it’s time to share and compare.

And we will see you back here next time.

Read Ephesians 5:25-33 & Titus 2:3-4

All verses are quoted from the NIV unless otherwise noted.