Receiving Grace and ForgivingSýnishorn

Day 3 – Forgiveness: an act of obedience

REFLECTIONS 

Forgiveness is not linked to our feelings, it’s an act of obedience. Often feelings only occur after we have taken the decision to forgive.

Read Matthew 18:15-35 and take a moment to answer the following questions:

 ➤  What could help you to forgive someone?

 ➤  How can we know if we have really forgiven, by what sign will we know?

STUDY

This is such an important truth that will change the way you live. Forgiveness doesn’t depend on what you feel, but it depends on what God says. That is why forgiveness is a decision and deliberate act that we take in a manner that is independent of what we can feel or think.

When we have been offended it is natural that all of our feelings and reasonings tell us not to forgive, and we can have thoughts such as, “they did it on purpose, they don’t deserve forgiveness, forgiving them will encourage them to do it again, I want them to pay for it, they’re the one that needs to came and apologise, I have a right” and so on. Maybe we have something else going through our heads at that moment. These types of thoughts lead us to say, “I can’t forgive yet, it’s too early” etc. However you may end up waiting another ten years without being able to forgive. Because it is not our feelings that should influence our decision, but it is our decision that will change our feelings!

So how do we proceed? As we have already said yesterday Jesus said, “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good towards those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat and persecute you”. (cf. Matthew 5:44). These words are not an option in the Christian life, they are an order. And like any order it is given to be carried out.

Therefore start by praying for those who have offended you by mentioning their name and blessing them, asking God to do good in their life and to make them prosper. It’s natural that you will struggle to do it and that you will have thoughts that tell you that it isn’t fair and so on… It is when you pray for someone that we realise just how much of a blockage we have in regards to that person.

This naturally drives us towards deciding to forgive when we pray before God. It is important to be specific in order to really cancel out the debt that is owed to us. Sometimes it can help to write down on a piece of paper what we have to forgive and give it to God, deciding to forgive, then simply burning this paper as a concrete sign of our decision to cancel the debt.

This forgiveness must be followed by (when possible) a concrete act, for example a letter or meeting with the person – this can lead to reconciliation. When you decide to forgive, you stretch out your hand so that God’s love flows in you. At that moment, God shows you the person who has sinned against you with His eyes and you realise how this person was also a prisoner of their own malice, their own past and hurts that they had experienced. And as you continue to pray for them you will be surprised by how you love them just as God loves them.

Sometimes our forgiveness starts by asking for forgiveness. Often the people who have offended us were in a position of authority and our natural reaction was one of rebellion and hatred against all kinds of an authority figure. By starting with asking them for forgiveness because of our attitude and asking for God’s forgiveness because of our rebellion, we open up the door of God’s love and can thus help these people recognise their faults. Forgiveness can then be verbalised. You mustn’t be discouraged if the person doesn’t react well at that time. Your personal prayer life will one day have a reason for these seemingly impenetrable walls, notably when it is someone that you love, such as a parent or close friend. You have done what God asked you to do. Simply continue to pray.

The decision to forgive frees us but it is often followed by a shock to the system a few hours or days later: “But, they can start again, freely, calmly and I will no longer be able to seek revenge” or negative feelings, because if we have decided to forgive, it takes a bit more time to be restored and our emotions healed. At that moment, it is important not to forget our decision to forgive and not to fall back into the cycle of vengeance and hatred. After having decided to forgive, God’s love doesn’t always flow immediately within us to help us love this person, and that is why you must hold on strong to the decision that you have taken. 

We need to know that forgiveness is a lifestyle, a lasting decision. It allows us to live in the level of grace and not to go back down. There are two tests that allow us to know if we have truly forgiven. Firstly, it is about being aware if we are still tempted to speak to someone else about everything that the other person has done to us. If that is the case then we haven’t really forgiven the person, because by sharing what has happened we secretly desire to find people who will take our side of the story, who will have pity on us and our situation. Secondly, we need to look at our internal attitude when we meet these people and we look them in the eyes. What therefore are the feelings that are playing out inside of us?

The decision to forgive frees us from hatred and bitterness. So often this freedom can be followed by a physical healing, in particular from arthritis, ulcers, ack pain… And you, what do you need to decide today?

MY DECISION :

 ➤  What I have understood for my own personal life : 

 ➤  What I am deciding to do in my life based upon what I have just learnt :

 ➤  What you decide to do today will determine who and what you will be tomorrow !