The Mess of Motherhood: Leaning on Your Good Father to Figure It All OutSýnishorn

Camouflage

You can be angry. I can take it. You can be sad. I can take that, too. Keep running to me when you are sad and overwhelmed, and I will give you what you need to get through a day. You think you are camouflaged, but I see all.

You can do this, you know. You can mother him and love him, and I will help you find your way. You ask me what you love? Who you are?

Let me tell you what I see: I see you. I see you in the early mornings when the baby is crying and you rise. I see you bend to scoop him up out of his crib, hear how you sing to him. I watch how you stumble, so tired, back to a rumpled bed.

Lift up your head, my darling. Lift up your head and see me looking at you. I have made you with beauty. I have made you with strength. I have made you with tenderness, a soft heart for me that will sustain you. I sustain you. Keep your heart soft, and I will sustain you. Keep yourself vulnerable, and I will lift you. Keep yourself close to me, and I will show you, step-by-step, what you love, what I see in you.

There’s a lot coming, dear one. You are both a light that shines and a warrior in my name. How this looks—your life in me—will unfold as you trust me. I keep creating in you, dear one. I love being with you as we partner in your work, bringing what is to come. 

Yes, I see you. And I want you to begin this day again, knowing I see you, knowing I know you. I dance over you. My gladness overflows. 

You are my dear heart, my bright flower. I father you and I mother you. I care for you and you rise again, letting me lead, letting me take charge, letting me be the door you walk through each day when you are lost and you are wondering how, again, you can face another day. 

You don’t need to face another day alone. You can greet each day with me. You can rise with me, stay with me, listen for me. In the creak of the highchair at lunchtime. In the jingling of toys and laugh and cry and play. In the hush or whimpers of the night. 

My strength is enough for you. My presence is with you. My Spirit is in you. 

I sustain you, never leave you. There is good coming. 

There is good right here.

Exercise & Prayer

Choose a favorite love song or poem or piece of music that brings you joy and helps you feel close to God. Listen to it as if God is singing the words or playing the music to you. Stay here, with Jesus, listening to the music; be attentive to your emotions. Tell God which lines in the song are your favorite, which ones you want to keep close.  

Father, you are unashamed of me; your love is wild and perfect. I love how you have made me. I love how I don’t have to hide from you, no matter what I am feeling. You give me a voice to call out to you, and you answer. You reveal yourself to me, showing how you are present with me, how you care for me, how you hold me and never let me go. I have what it takes to love those you’ve given me to love. I have what it takes to get through this day, holding your hand. Help me do all these things, knowing I stay with you. In your name, Jesus, Amen.