Secrets To Raising Wholehearted KidsSýnishorn

TREAT THEM HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED  

“They’re always on their phone.” I’m hearing it more and more often, not about teenage kids, but from them, describing their parents. 

Sure, their parents are harping on them: “Get off your phone.” “Why do you play so many video games?” “Why are you always on Instagram?” But we must remember this: our actions speak far more loudly and deeply than our words. Our kids are watching us. 

How can we ask our kids to look for life in God and His Kingdom when our own habits or compulsive behaviors effectively communicate that we do not believe it ourselves? How can we require of them a habit of studying when we ourselves have not yet, in fact, become lifetime learners? Actions reveal beliefs one hundred percent of the time. 

Yet, as we take this truth in, we need not despair. 

There is great hope here: Confession begets confession. Forgiveness begets forgiveness. Mercy begets mercy. 

What you offer to your children you will one day receive from them, whether in the near or distant future. 

Pause in the challenging moments of frustration in your parenting. 

Take a deep breath. Get curious. Tune in to your own heart. 

What is it you would love to receive in this moment if you were in your child’s shoes? 

In the fog of any given day, I often find clarity by starting with my own heart’s desire. I notice how much I long to receive mercy. I see how often I am looking to be known and be granted empathy in the midst of whatever battle I am currently facing. I remember how painful it is to feel misunderstood. It is by growing in awareness of our own interior life, needs and desires that we can become the kind of people who treat our children as we would like to be treated.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS 

1. Think of the last time you had any sort of conflict or contention with your child. Now think of the last time you had a major conflict with them. In both of those situations, put yourself back in time in your story to the exact age of your child in those two scenarios. What would you have loved to receive from your father? What would you have loved to receive from your mother? How does that compare to what you think you would’ve likely received from your mother and your father in the reality of your story as a young person or child? 
2. Write down three words that embody how you most need to be treated in your present circumstances and season. 
3. If the primary goal is to treat our children how we want to be treated, what practical shifts need to take place to extend the same loving, understanding and strong care that you would like to receive?