A Cord of Three StrandsSýnishorn

Communication

God's communication with man serves as a model for our conjugal communication. When there is good marriage communication, the husband and wife share thoughts, feelings, experiences, values, priorities, and judgments, while listening to each other with empathy. There are 4 levels of communication and we must identify which one we identify with in our marriage:

1. Automatic communication: it is a level of superficial communication: good morning, good afternoon, be careful, I love you, go with God. They are clever and generally pleasant phrases that we say to ourselves during the day, automatically, out of habit. We are usually honest, in fact, but we don't think much at this level of communication. They are not useless phrases, they are spoken in recognition of the presence of another person, but staying at this level of communication will not provide intimacy and depth in the relationship.
2. Exchange of information: it all comes down to the facts: who, what, when and where. At this level of communication, we only share information, we do not give an opinion on the facts or ask for the opinion of others, we do not express ideas or feelings about the information we hear. The success of many things depends on this level of communication: dates, times, place, time, etc. Without this information necessary for daily life, life would be very difficult. Couples who communicate well at level 2 imagine that they have good communication, but in reality there is little development of intellectual and emotional intimacy at this level of communication.
3. Exchange of views: at this level, we share our opinions, interpretations, and judgments on a certain topic and allow the other person to know our thoughts. Obviously, the possibility of conflict or divergence is greater than at other levels. Some couples do not speak much at level 3 because they do not like to see their opinions questioned, but it is not necessary that the couple have the same opinion and this difference of thought does not need to shake the intimacy of the couple. However, if one of the spouses tries to impose their opinions on the other, the intimacy disappears and gives way to discussion or silence.
4. Exchange of emotions: at this level we share our emotions and feelings regarding events. Sharing feelings is more difficult than sharing thoughts, because feelings represent more intimate things. In fact, our thoughts can often mask feelings. Many couples rarely communicate at this level 4 because they fear that their emotions will not be accepted. We must allow each other freedom to express feelings and listen em-pathetically to what the other person has to say. By developing this cozy atmosphere, intimacy will certainly increase.

God's plan for our marriage is for us to walk in accord - Amos 3:3; communication leads us to an agreement; where there is agreement, there is peace, blessings and prosperity:

• We must seek the will of God together, as husband and wife. To agree, they both need to hear God's reasons - Isaiah 30:21;
• Our agreement must also be based on the fulfillment of the Father's will, we should not try to fulfill our own will - Matthew 18:19;
• When God speaks to the couple, they are both safe and rested because they heard the Father's voice and therefore come to an agreement more easily - Luke 11:10.

Homework:

1. What level of communication do you fit into? How do you intend to reach deeper levels? Do you agree that it will benefit your marriage?