Unforgiveness and the Power of PardonSýnishorn

Forgiveness vs. "Sweet Revenge"

We rarely feel like forgiving those who have wronged us. We usually feel more like evening the score by striking back or even retaliating far beyond the original offense. If someone knocks out our tooth, we want to see the offender outfitted in a whole set of dentures. This is why God established the Old Testament lex talionis, which says, "Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot" (Exodus 21:24). Rather than giving us permission to get even, this scriptural law was meant to rein in man's tendency for vengeance.

Peter's question to Jesus in Matthew 18 reveals this natural desire to dispense punishment rather than mercy: "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" (v. 21). This honest question is one we'd all like answered. When do I get to stop forgiving and start fighting back?

But notice something: Peter could have asked Jesus, "How often shall my brother forgive me when I sin against him?" Instead, he was quick to assume his brother would require repeated forgiveness and seemed to forget he would need his brother's mercy as well. This stingy, self-centered view of forgiveness is our default setting. We often notice another's offense while remaining blind to our own faults. When an acquaintance says something that hurts our feelings, we brand him as cruel and thoughtless. Yet when we speak a painful word against someone, we're misunderstood.

It's tough to forgive, which makes it only seem right to set a reasonable limit on our gracious behavior. But the problem behind that reasoning is pride. And whenever you arrogantly refuse to forgive someone who has wronged you or you forget your own need to be forgiven, you are building a wall of bitterness between you and others—and even between you and God.

"Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive," C.S. Lewis wrote. I think Peter would have agreed. He knew pontificating about forgiveness was a whole lot easier than practicing it. It's the doing that gets tough. But it's the doing that should characterize the child of God. To return evil for good is devilish, and to return good for good is human. But to return good for evil is Godlike.