Battle-Weary Parents for Parenting in CrisisSýnishorn

DAY FIVE: Stretch Out Your Hand

The most difficult place to be as a parent is in a position of opposition with a child that you deeply love. There’s no end to the internal questioning, regret, and worry. What if I had done this? If only I had done that… it can seem unending. What’s even worse is when others around you, and even your child, join in the battle of condemnation and accusation. Everyone has an opinion about why the current situation exists, what can be done to fix it, and where the fault lies. Instead of being in a position of strength to help our child, we find ourselves protecting and defending ourselves as parents. 

For most parents, we’ve done the absolute best we could every step of the way and are the first ones to recognize when and where we could have done a better job. In order to help ourselves and our child, the first thing we have to do is recognize the battle is not ours; it’s the Lord’s. We must rely on His strength and walk in His peace in the midst of the storm. Even Jesus, perfect and in the act of bringing physical healing to broken bodies, was not spared accusation and condemnation! In the midst of doing the perfect work of healing, the Pharisees called a meeting and plotted to kill Him. 

The context of this scripture is that Jesus was healing on the Sabbath, which was forbidden in the Pharisaical interpretation of God’s law regarding keeping the Sabbath Day holy. The problem is that rather than the freedom and rest intended by God in this law, the Pharisees had corrupted the day into a one of self-denial and restriction. They were so caught up in their own enforced bondage that they failed to recognize the Healer of their mind, bodies, and souls was in their midst. Rather than accept freedom, hope, and healing, they lashed out in accusation, offense, and malice. He had broken their law, upset their apple cart, and he had to pay. 

In the same way, we must recognize the Healer in our midst. He will restore your mind, body and soul and that of your child. However, we live in a world that must always find someone to blame. We blame ourselves, we accuse one another, we excuse our own behaviors because of what someone else has done, and the list goes on and on. Never forget that the kingdom of this world is not the Kingdom of our God & King, and the enemy who has been given temporary dominion is a deceiver and the accuser of the brethren. Anytime you are struggling with accusations being thrown at you or find yourself throwing them at others, you are functioning outside of partnership with God and aligning yourself with forces of darkness. Your job, in this process of restoration, is to free yourself from condemnation, from both yourself and others. And if you’re struggling with accusation, offense, and malice toward your child, you must also let that go. A heart positioned for healing is a heart open and free from bitterness, offense, and judgment. 

Doing our best, even when doing it in the name of Jesus, doesn’t absolve us from the attacks of the enemy. It didn’t for Jesus, so why should we assume we’re any different? There’s no question that parenting is good work. God has entrusted us to steward and care for His most prized possessions, and we take our role seriously. This makes crisis and trial especially hard because you want to scream, “But I’m just trying to do a good thing!!!!!!” In reality, though, we’re just the steward of their lives, we are not the author or creator of them. God loves them with an everlasting love; they are His creation, made in His image and according to His good purposes. Our role is to steward our children’s hearts in partnership with Him, apart from our own opinions or those of others. 

Oh, dear parent, don’t withhold healing love, mercy, and kindness from yourself or your child. In the midst of trial, stretch out your hand to receive the healing mercy of God for your weary and worn soul. Then, you will be prepared to stretch out your hand to your child and offer restoration with a heart positioned in partnership with Jesus.

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I encourage you to spend time with your spouse (or a trusted friend if you're single) to answer the following questions. 

Discussion Questions – DAY FIVE: Stretch Out Your Hand

1. Today’s devotion challenges us to stop the blame game—against us and against others. How much blame is going around in your current situation? What does it mean that the enemy is the accuser of the brethren? What steps can you take to shut down the voice of accusation in your home and heart?

2. Read Isaiah 58:7-9. Discuss how doing good for others leads to our own healing. Have you ever considered that part of your healing is a revealing of the ability of our own heart for sin (bitterness, anger, resentment, etc..)?

3. Talk about the relationship between “doing a good thing” as a parent and the challenges of dealing with difficult behaviors, rejection, defiance, and rebellion. How does the contradiction of those things contribute to your current struggle? Can you find a way to reconcile them in God’s Word?

4. What areas of your own heart do you need to work on and ask God to heal? How will your ability to overcome those help you in your current situation with your child?