How Women and Men Can Heal the DivideSýnishorn

How We Connect and How We Act

If we want to create a different future, we cannot afford to hide from the realities that the cost of sexual abuse and violence is paid by all of us. Having a known and communicated plan for unwanted sexual behavior is crucial when it comes to establishing a thriving culture for men and women working together. Even more powerful than responding is preventing sexual abuse from occurring at all. Removing the stigma and silence around sexual trauma helps to reduce its power.

How do we have a real conversation about the eroding relationship between women and men without talking about the scourge of pornography and its effect on us? We can’t. How we see each other impacts how we treat each other. Objectification is the exact opposite of mutuality. And pornography objectifies people. The commodification and hypersexualization of our culture are toxic to male and female relationships, and we must address them if we want to be able to create a better future

The realities that threaten our mutuality are based around power. The time is up for the old systems of hoarded power, male leadership, unchanging systems of influence, and unchallenged practices of male behavior. And despite our fear, this change in power will not be the end of the world; it will be the emergence of a better one. Recognizing the power we do have is an essential part of using it well. Power is the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events. Abusing your power is to use your power to control other people. But a good use of power is to use your power to empower other people. The abuse of power is a major factor at work in creating inequity between male and female relationships.

Jesus is the most powerful human to have ever lived. He was with God and is God (see John 1:1–3). Jesus had absolute power, but Jesus was not corrupted by power. The person of Jesus helps us shift our perspective from the belief that if you give your power away, you will have less of it to the mind-set that true power is the ability to influence people to identify and use their power for others. Jesus showed us servant leadership (see John 13:3–17). He was aware of his power, yet he humbled himself and communicated to his followers the dynamic of using their power to influence without fear. His power was anchored in and saturated with love, and he influenced his followers toward living lives of love.

Jesus is both power and love personified. Love is an eternal force for transformation. Jesus perfectly balanced his power with love. To love others is to empower them. And to empower others is to love them. If everyone used their power to benefit others, what would happen? Think about this in terms of relationships. Love expands. Power is also an infinite, unlimited resource. So is influence. If you influence someone, your influence doesn’t diminish—it expands. Just like love. Power and love are meant to be wings helping the bird of change to fly. Empowerment (love and power) is the way to change the world. Great leaders empower other people just like Jesus did.

Respond

How have you seen power used to control people? How have you seen someone use power to influence others for good? 

With Jesus as your example, who in your life can you influence and empower? How can Jesus empower you to transform your relationships?