7 Day Devotional for the Stepparent Sýnishorn

“I had been single for ten years before Cynthia came into our lives,” Jeremy said. “Through her teen years my daughter, Chloe, had been the only woman in our home. If we bought towels or something, she picked the color because she was the woman of the house. When Cynthia came into the picture, she had her own opinions of decorating the home, what foods we should eat, and lots of other things. As you can imagine Chloe felt displaced. They really butted heads.” Cynthia chimed in. “It has been really hard for me to show her love when she is distant all of the time, even now as an adult. Through the years she would get close to me a little, but then feel disloyal to her mother and move far away. That hot and cold response from her has made it hard to keep showing her love. So at this point, I try to show her love by loving her daughter, my granddaughter.”

Cynthia is leading with love and finding whatever avenue she can to express her love. It’s hard to move toward someone who continually moves away from you. But successful stepparents persistently lead with love. They are wise in how they do so, but they don’t give up.

In addition to leading with love, be sure to listen for love in the native language of each child. Cynthia and Jeremy’s five children may never say the word “I love you” to their stepparent, but they all communicated love in their own way. You might be missing your stepchild’s indirect expressions of love because you’re only listening with your ears. Learn to listen with your eyes (notice their acts of service), your watch (when they spend quality time with you), arms (physical touch), or your hands (gifts), but mostly with your hear. Learn to appreciate what they can say—no matter how they say it. Loyalty concerns and sadness for missing family members may dictate that they not express their appreciation or love directly (out loud). Be wise enough to decipher the indirect message and take it to heart.

Leading with love and listening for love helps you find and establish your place in the home. But you also have to define your role and establish yourself as a trustworthy parent-figure.