I No Longer Love My Spouse Sýnishorn

Marriage Is not an Attraction

Do you remember the day you first met your spouse? You had butterflies in your stomach. What about your first date? You thought, “I can talk to this person forever!” You might have stayed up till the wee hours of the night just thinking about your beloved. You thought, “This is the most attractive guy or gal I have ever met.” You thought you would always feel that way about each other.

Then, you got married. In the beginning, it was all romantic and fun. But you lived a long life together. You had children. Each of you aged a little and, maybe, gained some weight. The next thing you know is that the initial attraction is gone. There are no more butterflies. You feel like you have lost that first romance. Does that mean that you no longer love each other? Should the husband and wife still stay in a relationship if they feel that there is no attraction there anymore? Are they out of love? 

No, because love is not just an attraction. It is more than that. It goes deeper. Love is a companionship. It is a relationship, a friendship. Some days, you might still feel the butterflies in your stomach. Other days, you might not. But you need to remind yourself that your spouse is your best friend. You have built a life together. You have mutual values and mutual goals. That is the substance of your love. Of course, this does not mean that it has to be boring. If you feel like the flames of your love are dwindling, you need to remember what made you attracted to your spouse in the first place.

Remember the qualities in each other that you fell in love with at the beginning. Remember the things you loved to do together. Go on a date night. Do something that you enjoy together. Have fun together again. As you do those things, you will rekindle the initial romance. Sometimes, life gets in the way of our feelings or our feelings transition from the initial attraction to a deeper love. Married partners should not give up on each other in either case. Marriage is for a lifetime.