Repair & Restore: 5-Day Devo for Moms & DaughtersSýnishorn

  

Seeking and Offering Forgiveness 

In this story, the ability to receive forgiveness isn’t based on how good you are or what you’ve done right (or not right). It’s on how you love. 

Think on your own situation. How big is your debt toward the other person? Do you see yourself forgiven because you have loved the other person much? You also may feel the huge weight of how much the other has hurt you and it feels as though the equation is in their favor to continue to live life while you hurt greatly. To the degree you are aware of how much you have been forgiven by God, you will have the capacity to love more. 

If you recognize that you can have gratitude toward your mother or daughter, then you aren’t going to let unforgiveness stand in the way of your relationship. And the first step to healing is seeking and offering forgiveness. This doesn’t need to be a long, drawn-out process, but clearly and simply articulating these words can be so helpful:

• “I was wrong. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”

Or

• “I have offended you by (lack of love, my bitterness, and the like). I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”

If you are hurt and you need to offer forgiveness, it’s important to remember your choosing to forgive her is not contingent upon her asking you for forgiveness. You don’t have to receive the words “Will you forgive me?” in order to issue them yourself. In a kind and loving way you can say: 

• “Mom, I know you may not recognize how you hurt me with your words, but it does hurt. I choose to let them fall away, and I don’t hold on to them in my life. I forgive you.” 

Or

• “As your mother, you know I love you and want you to be happy and to have the very best in your life. But there have been times that your willingness to say or do whatever it takes to get there has hurt me. When you said _________________ or when you _________________, it hurt me deeply. You aren’t responsible for my emotions, but I’ve held back from you the hurt I’ve felt, and what I want for you is to have good relationships in your life and that nothing is missing in ours. I forgive you and ask you to forgive me for any hurt I’ve caused you.”

Your situation may be different, but you can take these conversation starters and make them fit your unique circumstances. The important thing is to take ownership of your thoughts and words and not put them on the other person, but to initiate the conversation and open the doors for healing.