Blend: Strengthen Your FamilySýnishorn

Fostering Family

Clay and Kirsten have been married for 14 years, and together they have six beautiful children both biological and adopted.

When asked as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would respond, “A big daddy elephant with big tusks.” Little did I know that I would grow up to be the elephant in the room for much of my family.

I’m adopted, I’ve been reunified with my biological mom’s family, I’m a biological father, I’ve been a foster dad, and I am an adoptive dad. In other words, God has blended my story of pain, healing, and restoration within numerous unrelated but yet interconnected families. He has truly given me beauty for ashes and made all these different families into my family. 

So how is this happening? How do we truly foster a sense of family? My story is long, messy, and amazing—like I’m sure yours is. Can I share two practical actions that stand out?

First, you make the choice. You choose to be family. Whether biological, step, adoptive, foster, or another blend, you daily choose the label and meaning of family. Secondly, you point out the elephants in the room and deal with them every step of the way. You humbly have the tough conversations everyone in the family would like to avoid. We have to enter the danger of sharp elephant tusks and lean into the awkwardness of vulnerability and authenticity.  

Be prepared—choosing to live out these two actions is messy, and many of those closest to you, including your own family, may not understand. But that is okay because God understands. He showed this understanding by choosing us to be His children and avoiding nothing, even the pain and agony of the cross, to blend us into His family. And because of this truth, we can have the courage to do the same in our families.  

So, how do we stand in the gap to love a non-biological child as our own, yet at the same time honor the child’s biological parents? Or how do we have the courage to integrate our step, biological, and maybe adoptive families as our family? We follow the lead of our Savior. We make the choice to be a family, and we talk about the elephants in the room. You never know how God may use an elephant to make a family.

Watch Blend: It's Possible to Co-Parent Healthy Kids, Part 1

Pray and listen: God, what are the elephants in the room I’m avoiding? How can we talk about them as a family? Who are the people in my family, or my child’s family, that I can show more of Your light and love to? In Jesus’ name, amen.