Pray Big ThingsSýnishorn

When Answered Prayer Looks Very Different Than What We Expect

The birth of our three children was a miracle. However, their premature arrival ushered us into uncertainty regarding their health, my health, and even our lives. For the first three months, we watched them fight for their lives as, I’m convinced, thousands fought for them in prayer.

I felt as if I was living in some weird alternate universe, a time warp where the outside world was a distant memory and my new reality was listening to my babies’ heart rates fail, watching nurses rush in to resuscitate them, and praying with Ryan every night that we would wake up to still having three living babies. The NICU changes you. Seeing two and three pound newborns struggle to breathe is haunting. What a humbling picture of James 4:15: “If the Lord wills, we will live . . .”

But God had been faithful to prepare me. Shortly after my first trimester finished, I Googled triplet moms. The stories were unbelievably heartbreaking. I was horrified, Ryan wasn’t home, and I felt a nervous breakdown coming on. I decided once more to go to God with my questions and overwhelming emotions. Then I heard as clear as day: These are not your children.

I burst into tears. God continued to minister to me as He reminded me that He loved Blair, Barrett, and Blake more than I did and that “no purpose of [God’s] can be thwarted” (Job 42:2). I had never been in control, I still was not in control, and ultimately I didn’t want to be in control—because God was the One who knew what needed to happen. And He had promised to help me every step of the way.

This lesson saw me through the longest hours and the darkest nights: relinquishing my false sense of control into the faithful, loving hands of the One Who cannot fail nor forsake His own. My little family was safe, because God had us. As Matthew 16:25 says, “Whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” Losing my control allowed me to find my faith. The freedom God gives us as we learn to surrender provides the peace needed to pray big things.

Have you accepted Christ’s invitation to become part of something bigger than yourself? Confess the fear you hold toward letting go of the control you think you have.