The SYMBIS Assessment PlanSýnishorn

Dynamics: Conflict

“You’re going to vacuum before they get here, right?” Leslie asked in an anxious tone as we were pulling into the garage.

“I’ve got it under control,” I murmured.

We jumped out of the car, each grabbed an arm full of groceries and hurried toward the kitchen. “I’ll take care of these groceries so you can get started on the vacuuming,” Leslie said. The tension was rising because in less than an hour, two other couples would be at our doorstep expecting a dinner party. “Don’t forget to light the candles and turn on the music before they get here” Leslie hollered from the kitchen. I heard what she said but didn’t reply as I walked into my study to check my email.

Only a couple of minutes passed, it seemed to me, when Leslie came in to my study and in exasperation asked: “What are you doing?”

“Reading my mail,” I responded defensively and with the best look of confusion I could put on my face. She didn’t buy it. “Don’t worry,” I said, “I’ll take care of the other stuff.” Leslie sighed and left the room. Five minutes later I heard the sound of the vacuum in the living room. I’m almost done here and then I’ll go in and help her, I said to myself. Ten minutes later the vacuum stopped. I bolted from my chair and walked to the living room. “I thought I was going to do this,” I said to Leslie. “So did I,” she replied.

Once you’re married, you’ll see how tempting it is to weasel your way out of your partner’s “to do” list. After all, you’ll feel tired, busy, preoccupied, maxed-out, whatever. Lots of reasons can seemingly justify one of the deadliest saboteurs of a healthy marriage: selfishness.

And subtle selfishness is the catalyst for a lot of conflict among couples. The Bible has a lot to say on the topic. We’ve selected just a few verses. As you read them, peruse the conflict page of your SYMBIS Report again and consider not only your differing “fight types” but how you might be prone to subtle selfishness.

If you haven’t taken the SYMBIS Assessment, we hope you will. It’s truly one of the single most effective ways you can prepare for lifelong love together. Visit SYMBIS.com