Becoming Fosters: Brokenness And BelongingSýnishorn

Attached

“I could never foster. I would get too attached!”

If you did a quick Google search it wouldn’t take long to learn that attachment plays an enormous role in mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and educational health. It dictates physical and brain development in young children and, many would argue, it is the cornerstone to survival. 

Many pediatricians and therapists would agree that young children need secure attachments in order to build an understanding of trust, a desire to investigate the world around them, and to gain an ability to think positively about themselves. Basically, attachment is very important. 

(Can we take a second to stand in awe at how God has woven each piece of our being together in such an amazing way?)

Knowing all of this about attachment, we have to acknowledge the uncomfortable and downright nasty heartache that every foster parent has felt as children leave their home. Even if the child is reuniting with his family, the immeasurable joy of reunion is still met with the sadness of a loss. It is an emotional tightrope that, to be quite honest, I don’t always get right.

As a foster parent, attachment is not a side effect. Attachment is the goal. It is often hard to remind myself of this. Sometimes I selfishly want to stay distant. I want to withdraw. I don’t want to love too deeply or too much, because I know the gut-wrenching pain of letting go. Even worse is watching my husband and children battle the same emotional tug-of-war. But God is so faithful. He knows the battles we face in our spirit and He is ever faithful to remind us of our calling. 

There is so much brokenness in foster care. Foster parents have the unique opportunity to provide light and connectedness when it is seemingly impossible. We have been called to stand in the gap—a place to not only provide a strong and secure attachment for the children in our homes—but the unique opportunity to build a relationship with the child’s birth family.

What we cannot afford to do is to let the fear of becoming attached to these children prevent us from diving in head first. Instead, we should be propelled to action by the fear of them not having attachment.