Trusting God In The Midst Of TragedySýnishorn

Trusting God to Bring Healing and Purpose to Your Life

Brigitte

When Brittany died, my role had changed, as well as my title. I was no longer Brittany’s mom, but I was still Anthony’s wife. I wasn’t identifying myself as an individual. I had no voice of my own and, I thought, no one to stand up for me. About a week after Brittany lost her battle with leukemia, Anthony was back on the road and I entered the darkest period of my life.

Over time I softened to the idea of bringing another child into our lives. There were so many kids out there who needed a loving home, so at one point we agreed to adopt. When we heard that Anthony had MS, adoption came off the table. For those first several years, he was pretty good at hiding his condition. I still longed to give children the kind of love that I never experienced, but I’d have to find another way.

I realized that I had to take care of myself, which meant I had to find my own voice. This realization was an important part of my healing process. I had been a mother and a wife, but never Bridge or Brigitte. I thought, What do I need to do for me? I allowed God to lead me (see Proverbs 3:5–6). I found that my main interests were children and woundedness. Brittany was the conduit for everything. 

I was allowing the grief process to play out as I nudged myself forward. Now I needed a vocation that was different from Anthony’s. It was time for me to do my own thing, to take a journey that was not contingent upon him making money. Especially because he was cooling off. There’s nothing worse than a dream deferred, and I did not want to be the one to put sand in his tank. I wanted to live up to the stereotype of the strong black woman who supports her man no matter what. And I thought if we could survive Brittany’s death, then everything else was just a little incidental issue.

I wanted to work in a helping profession. I welled up with emotion whenever I was around someone who had experienced trauma or sadness or who had been bullied. I understood this reaction came from my own experiences growing up as well as what we’d gone through with Brittany. I wanted to conduct therapy, so I started my degree to become a psychologist. I think what I was doing was overwhelming for Anthony. It took a while for me to find my voice in our relationship and in my choice of career. I wanted the highest degree possible, and I wanted to do it in four years. I would always be a wife and a mother, but now I became something else: Dr. Brigitte Travis-Griffin. I had been arrested in my emotional development. I went back to graduate school in my forties, but once I found my voice and put on my skates, I went from 0 to 10 and didn’t look back.

Some things changed at home, too. I spoke up, told Anthony what was on my mind, and tried to root out any problems instead of avoiding them the way I had for so much of my life. Through my studies I had developed a different way of communicating. I was more mature. I had finally found my voice.

Anthony

One day I noticed my legs were getting numb. I ended up at a neurologist and finally got a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis—a degenerative disease that attacks the central nervous system and has no cure. My symptoms started with hand tremors and affected my voice, which is a key element of comedy and acting. I didn’t talk about my diagnosis at first, as with so many aspects of my personal life. 

I was still able to do some acting and perform at comedy clubs. I had two movies out in a month and I was as hot as I’d ever been. And then I didn’t act again for two years. Even though I never stopped working clubs, I couldn’t shake myself out of that depressive fog after Brittany died. Secretly battling multiple sclerosis didn’t help. 

As the fog of grief from losing Brittany lifted, I saw hope pushing in. I recognized God’s hand in everything. (See Psalm 10:14.) I had grown closer to God and wanted to be part of serving Him. I started teaching Sunday school. So while Brigitte was counseling children, I was teaching the Scriptures to kids. None of this was going to bring Brittany back, but it felt right, like it was God’s plan for Brigitte and me to give back in other ways. 

Another turning point came when I was invited to tell a personal story with a group called The Moth. As I prepared, I heard my daughter’s voice say, “Tell my story now.” Since her death, I had not discussed her in public. Now Brittany was calling me and I was giving my daughter a voice. My delivery was filled with stops and starts because this was so hard and so sad and because I was confronting emotions that I’d kept buried for so long. At one point my voice started to shake, and finally I couldn’t help crying—I was not the only one.

I’d told Brittany’s story, and it was cathartic. It still took a while before I was ready to talk about my MS. When I was ready, I felt like a giant burden had been lifted. Now when I appear at churches and corporate and charity events, people want to hear about my life, with or without jokes. Afterwards, a lot of people tell me about their battles. 

I took part in a faith-based comedy tour called The Apostles of Comedy. This platform allowed me to talk about my life as a book—a page-turner—that is so compelling that I want to keep going to see what’s the end. The author of the book is God. And this is the thing: You already know there’s a sequel. That’s the peace I have. So every day I wonder what God has in store for me. I’ve lived Psalm 9:10: “Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

Respond

What does it mean to trust God to bring healing? What can you do to seek God’s purpose in your life?

How have you seen God bring healing in your life? 

How can a sense of purpose from God help you encourage someone else to trust God?