Sæktu forritiðInfidelity: Boundaries to Protect Your MarriageSýnishorn
BEWARE THE EVENT HORIZON
What do you do when you sense that you’re in the presence of serious danger? Say it’s a dark night in a big city and you see a gang of thugs emerging from the shadows of a deserted alley. Do you saunter up to them and ask the time? Do you casually observe that it’s a nice evening for a walk? Or do you turn tail and run?
The “young man” who figures so memorably in Mark’s narrative of the events of Maundy Thursday evening (probably Mark himself) didn’t have time to ponder the question. He had a pretty strong inkling of what was coming when the Temple guards, after arresting Jesus, turned and grabbed him by his linen night shirt. Under the circumstances, he didn’t wait to hear his rights read. Instead, he left his garment in their hands and took off like the wind, becoming the first (and only) streaker in biblical history. Indecent exposure was the last thing on his mind that night. This was a matter of life and death.
Affairs are every bit as dangerous as muggers or hostile soldiers. They hang above the married man or woman like clouds of death. They presage the complete destruction of his or her marriage — the end of everything that makes life worth living. How odd, then, that some folks, instead of running from infidelity, seem to get a thrill out of toying with the possibility of an extramarital dalliance. They enjoy the excitement of seeing how close to the edge they can get without crossing over. If that’s you, take fair warning: sometimes sticking your toe over the line is all it takes.
You’ve probably heard of black holes. They’re a fascinating component of outer space. The defining feature of a black hole is the imaginary boundary surrounding it. Scientists call this boundary the “Event Horizon.” On one side, an object passing by can resist the black hole’s gravitational pull. But cross that imaginary line, and the gravitational field is so strong not even light can escape its pull.
An extramarital affair has its own event horizon. You may flirt with a co-worker and believe it’s innocent fun. But if this kind of behavior is allowed to go on, it will eventually lead to lunch dates and exchanging texts and e-mails. Sooner or later, you’ll cross a boundary — just one toe over the line — and guess what? It’s too late. You’re emotionally sucked in and, for all practical purposes, there’s no escape. All pretense of innocent fun will be cast aside, and you’ll throw yourself into the relationship with no thought of the consequences.
Here’s the scariest part. You can’t see an affair’s event horizon. You won’t realize you’ve crossed the line until it’s too late. That’s why the wise choice is not to stick your toe out there in the first place. If you do, there’s a good chance that you’ll end up getting sucked in. Better to go out of your way to avoid that possibility altogether.
What do you do when you sense that you’re in the presence of serious danger? Say it’s a dark night in a big city and you see a gang of thugs emerging from the shadows of a deserted alley. Do you saunter up to them and ask the time? Do you casually observe that it’s a nice evening for a walk? Or do you turn tail and run?
The “young man” who figures so memorably in Mark’s narrative of the events of Maundy Thursday evening (probably Mark himself) didn’t have time to ponder the question. He had a pretty strong inkling of what was coming when the Temple guards, after arresting Jesus, turned and grabbed him by his linen night shirt. Under the circumstances, he didn’t wait to hear his rights read. Instead, he left his garment in their hands and took off like the wind, becoming the first (and only) streaker in biblical history. Indecent exposure was the last thing on his mind that night. This was a matter of life and death.
Affairs are every bit as dangerous as muggers or hostile soldiers. They hang above the married man or woman like clouds of death. They presage the complete destruction of his or her marriage — the end of everything that makes life worth living. How odd, then, that some folks, instead of running from infidelity, seem to get a thrill out of toying with the possibility of an extramarital dalliance. They enjoy the excitement of seeing how close to the edge they can get without crossing over. If that’s you, take fair warning: sometimes sticking your toe over the line is all it takes.
You’ve probably heard of black holes. They’re a fascinating component of outer space. The defining feature of a black hole is the imaginary boundary surrounding it. Scientists call this boundary the “Event Horizon.” On one side, an object passing by can resist the black hole’s gravitational pull. But cross that imaginary line, and the gravitational field is so strong not even light can escape its pull.
An extramarital affair has its own event horizon. You may flirt with a co-worker and believe it’s innocent fun. But if this kind of behavior is allowed to go on, it will eventually lead to lunch dates and exchanging texts and e-mails. Sooner or later, you’ll cross a boundary — just one toe over the line — and guess what? It’s too late. You’re emotionally sucked in and, for all practical purposes, there’s no escape. All pretense of innocent fun will be cast aside, and you’ll throw yourself into the relationship with no thought of the consequences.
Here’s the scariest part. You can’t see an affair’s event horizon. You won’t realize you’ve crossed the line until it’s too late. That’s why the wise choice is not to stick your toe out there in the first place. If you do, there’s a good chance that you’ll end up getting sucked in. Better to go out of your way to avoid that possibility altogether.
Ritningin
About this Plan
Attacks on marriage come from all directions. They’ll weaken a relationship, leaving couples conflicted and emotionally detached. And that sets the stage for spouses to look outside their marriage for the connection they feel is missing. But that risk is significantly diminished when care is taken to guard a relationship. That’s why for your marriage not just to survive, but to thrive, it’s wise to surround it with healthy boundaries.
More
