Shape Of Your Heart: Discover The Building Blocks Of Great RelationshipsSýnishorn

Three Little Words

In Matthew 5 Jesus is challenging people’s paradigms by giving them a new standard. He begins with this idea that long before something manifests in our lives it takes shape in our heart. And at the core of His message is the practice of reconciliation, because it’s impossible to build a great relationship if we never learn to deal with offense and be reconciled.

Now typically when we think about reconciliation we think about our need to forgive, but forgiveness is a two-way street. It’s not just something we need to extend it’s something we need to receive. The times when we’ve offended people and messed up can actually be catalysts to make our relationship stronger. But to do that we must be able to apologize appropriately. It’s the inability to apologize that neutralizes so many of our relationships. If we apologize right way it brings change in our relationships and hearts.

A good apology begins with three little words, “I am sorry” and it includes responsibility and regret. When you apologize correctly you’re taking responsibility for your actions and expressing regret. This means there is no “but” involved and no excuses. You always lose when you try to excuse.

However, it doesn’t stop there. You also need to express the words “I love you.” The closer the relationship, the greater the opportunity for offense. That’s why those we love often hurt us the most. When you say “I love you” it gives reassurance to the other person. It reminds them you are not their enemy. Love is tested when things are at their worst, not at their best. An apology is a chance to really show someone how you feel about them.

The last thing we need to say in our apology is “Please forgive me.” It’s not an apology if you don’t ask someone to forgive you. These three little words are asking for resolution and restoration. It’s an act of humility because it gives the other person power over you. It acknowledges that forgiveness is out of your control and becomes their choice now. 

I am sorry. I love you. Please forgive me.

Three little phrases. Three little words. So much power.

Questions for reflection.

When you apologize do you express regret and remorse or do you try to explain and excuse? Do you ask for forgiveness at the end of your apology? What would happen if you tried apologizing saying only these three phrases?