Dating In Black & White: Boundaries, Sex & RealitySýnishorn

Sex is Better with Boundaries

Always remember, they are your date, not your soul mate.

Sex was created by God and can be enjoyed without the guilt, shame, or consequences when it’s done within the marriage covenant. When the act of sex takes place outside of the marriage covenant, it opens up the door for a snowball effect of emotions, problems, and feelings of guilt and shame. 

God is a forgiving God and, yes, there is forgiveness of sexual sin. The big problem is that sometimes it takes weeks, months, or even years to get free from the soul ties and baggage that came along with it. That’s why God forewarns us in His Word to run from sexual sin. 

Put some practical safeguards in place to protect both of you. If the other person is against these safeguards, then they may not care about you as much as you hope they would.

1. Keep your clothes on no matter what.

Trust me, nothing good can happen with your clothes off unless you are married. If you want to keep it clean, keep your clothes on. My Sunday school teacher used to say, “No skin, no sin.” Seriously, this is an area that we often underestimate. Once you cross that line, it’s like firing up the engines on a 747 jumbo jet.

2. Avoid make-out sessions.

Make-out sessions can turn into a sexual obsession. Know your limit and then stay about a mile away from it. Seriously, Christian or non-Christian, your flesh, when out of control, can become unstoppable. Have a list of prerequisites if you are going to kiss. Kissing standing up in a well-lit area is a lot different from kissing on your bed or sofa in the dark. It’s so easy for a situation to get out of hand in a matter of seconds. 

3. No sleepovers.

Sleepovers are for children. You are an adult and your hormones are further advanced. Don’t try to prove to each other or anyone else that you are strong and can abstain from sex outside of marriage. 

4. Communicate with your accountability partner.

We discussed the importance of accountability early on. That person is there to help guide you in your relationship. When you are feeling strong urges or desires, they can help reinforce the boundaries and offer wisdom and sound coaching. When you can’t see the obvious because you are too emotionally involved, they are able to bring sound counsel in the midst of your feelings.