Stop The Fighting - Part 2: Breaking The Cycles Of Unhealthy ConflictSýnishorn

Advocates or Adversaries

Devotional Content:

It was an interesting phenomenon. Nancy and I did so many things well together. We loved the same things. We never argued about where to go eat, what movie to see, or where to hang out. When our kids came along, we parented really well together. We never fought about money and really were on the same page with what and where to spend. Then, in what seemed like a split second, we could be instant enemies and fighting with everything we had. After our fights, we would look at each other and wonder how we ever got here - again.  

We discovered over time that it was very hard for either of us to admit that we were wrong. We found there were topics that triggered something inside each of us to go into attack mode. Once we were there it was not a pretty sight. We could come alongside each other as advocates so well at times, but then turn around and see each other as an adversary equally well.   

For us, it was with God’s help that we learned to keep the advocate focus front and center all the time. I did want the best for her and she was not my enemy - in fact, she wanted the same for me. We prayed to see each other through God’s eyes and we did.  It was not instant, but gradually, as we prayed that prayer and chose to be obedient to God, we did. Can I still see Nancy in that adversary role at times? Sure. But rarely does she even notice it because God is always there to help me refocus.

Today’s Challenge: 

Discuss the areas in your marriage where you truly are each other’s advocate.  How can you continue to grow these areas?

Going Deeper:

The next time you view your spouse as an adversary will you make a commitment to stop and pray and ask God to help you see your spouse as an advocate?