Fierce Marriage By Ryan And Selena FrederickSýnishorn

True Love

No human relationship will test our understanding of love more than marriage. If you’re like us, you’ve fought to love each other in your marriage but have often fallen short. Where is the disconnect? If “love never fails,” why does it . . . fail? 

The deepest disagreements you will experience as a married couple always have to do with your objective view of love and the expectations that come along with it. This materialized early on in our marriage whenever we’d argue about quality time. Selena needs quality time to feel loved. I don’t need it as much, and I’d often work late into the evening thinking that I was actively loving her by providing. Selena felt utterly unloved if I was absent. I felt unloved if my work went unappreciated. 

In other words, our own views of love are subjective. We need an external standard. Only then do we realize that the imperfect moments in marriage are our most potent opportunities to love fully. 

The Apostle Paul was compelled to describe love because the church in Corinth was missing the mark completely. They were so steeped in culture that they had forgotten what it meant to love one another in light of the gospel. They needed to hit the reset button and relearn “the more excellent way.” 

We, too, need reminders. We forget what it truly means to love if we place too much weight on our culture’s definition. When affection and feelings wane, does it mean we are falling out of love? If we’re struggling in our sex life, is the passion gone and love lost forever? If I’m deeply wronged, am I justified to cut the ties and run? If my spouse is less than I’d hoped, can I just leave? 

Paul’s list of love’s attributes is daunting, and if we take it seriously we may doubt our ability to ever meet love’s demands. If that’s you, take a deep breath and relax. You don’t have to be perfect. God is faithfully at work on your heart, teaching you how to love more completely—how to be patient, kind, humble, considerate, selfless, and so much more. We will never love our spouses perfectly on this side of eternity, but God also never stops showing us how. 

Identify one or two areas where your marriage is “thirsty” and in need of more love.