UNCOMMEN: Surviving DivorceSýnishorn

Scripture Reference: 

Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you. Proverbs 20:22

Starting From Scratch 

You thought things were fine. Your marriage was steady. Your kids are fine, your house is nice, you’ve provided for everyone’s needs (or so you thought), and you get along with your wife most of the time. Sure, there’s the blow up once in awhile, sex not as often as you’d like, some pet peeves lying around, but things are mostly good. Then she leaves or tells you to. 

What do you do? 

If you’ve found yourself suddenly on the receiving end of an unexpected announcement that your marriage is ending, then we have something in common. My ex-wife left without telling me our marriage was ending. I bought her a ticket to go for a visit to her parents. She never returned. I don’t know what stun grenades feel like, but I felt like an emotional stun grenade blew my emotions white. Empty.

I wasn’t completely blindsided to the fact that she was unhappy. We had been through counseling, and I thought we were working on the issues that we uncovered. But I’m pretty thick, so I didn’t see just how deep the issues and how complete her hurt. If I had seen it earlier, I might have been able to save my marriage. But there I was, alone in my bed, four kids dependent on me, no real answers, and no hope. 

I wish I could offer you the perfect three-step plan for getting your wife back, but as far as I know, it doesn’t exist. What I can offer you is the first step to dealing with it. Before we get to that, let me say something you might not expect. Get angry. Get angry with sin, with your own, with your wife’s, with sin in general and let it blow a little. Go to the gym and hit the bag, pump iron, run, scream, kick things (not the dog, or anything that will break your foot), or whatever it takes to let it out. With the exception of taking it out on any other person! Don’t do that!

When sin steals something precious, anger is appropriate. Some might tell you to hold it in. Maybe you can. But I think being angry about sin, without sinning (Eph. 4:26), is a great way to prepare for this first step. 

The first step. Get on your face before God in prayer. If you start anywhere else you’ll eventually end up here, so you might as well start here. I’m not suggesting you say some simple prayers and ask God to fix things. I’m suggesting you fall apart as a helpless and broken man and let God meet you there. Stay there till He arrives. Resist all the urges to try something else or try to get revenge. Do what our verse says, wait on God. Let Him come to start the healing. 

Uncommen Challenge: If you haven’t vented your anger, find a way to do it without hurting anyone including yourself. Make a list of the sins to be angry about and then take them one by one to God in prayer. Angry with Him? He already knows it so you might as well be real with it. Present them one by one and then wait - let God speak. Don’t move to the next one until you’ve heard from Him.