Begin Again: A 7-Day Devotional By Leeana TankersleySýnishorn

Is Shame Your Friend or Enemy?

God recently asked me a question I was not ready for. He said, What if shame isn’t your greatest enemy after all? What if shame is actually your dearest friend? What if you are more attached to this shame-stance than you realize? What if your greatest fear is being rid of it? What would you have then, if you didn’t have this self-condemnation?

That vicious voice is comforting in a weird way. It is the voice I recognize more than any other. What would I be left with if it was no longer with me?

You are allowed to leave it, Leeana. Unhook from it. Not need it anymore. You are allowed to believe something else. You are allowed to be comfortable with your own strength.

I want so deeply to be out of my spirals, free from the closed loops in my own mind. But I hadn’t expected what I heard. I hadn’t even considered that I was nourishing shame, protecting it, that it was a closer companion than I care to admit. So close, in fact, I recognize its voice more clearly than my own voice, than the voice

of God. This is the honest truth. I hear the voice of shame and it is the most familiar thing to me. Its viciousness is so familiar to me, I have to consciously dissent.

What’s scary is that I want to be rid of it, and yet, I keep going back to it. I keep giving it power. I keep sliding into its narrative. For some of us, it’s fear. Or anger. Resentment. Regret. Contempt. Control. Our victim status. We want to be free, but we also don’t. Because we believe these companions have served us, or at least they have kept us from being alone. 

What would we have if we no longer had fear? What would we be left holding? What would we have if we no longer had anger? What would we have to face if we no longer harbored contempt? What would we talk about if we no longer talked about “them” or “those people” or “that community” like we’ve become so accustomed to doing?

Once you begin to confront your own attachments, securities, pet pathologies, and once you sense God inviting you to hand them to him, you will know something transformative is happening. But transformation always requires us to leave something behind. 

Spend time today imagining what your life would look like if you were free from fear, anger, regret, etc.