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In this passage in a letter to the church in Ephesus, Paul offers two competing ways to live in a relationship with each other. We can live with bitterness, rage, anger, brawling (arguing), and slander (talking poorly about each other.) Or, we can live with kindness, compassion and forgiveness. What’s tricky is that the two different ways of engaging with people can’t coexist. It’s one or the other. We can’t practice kindness while also practicing rage. We can’t be compassionate while also engaging in a fight. And we can’t be practitioners of forgiveness if we are holding on to bitterness.

The opposite is also true. When we are kind, we can’t rage. When we are compassionate, we can’t fight. And when we forgive, bitterness cannot survive. These are the paths we get to choose between. One way will lead to life, and one way won’t. That doesn’t mean it will be easy, but it does mean there is a path that is going to lead to the kind of life we want to have. A path that will make us into the kind of people we want to be. Forgiveness is part of that path.

The next time you feel tempted to withhold forgiveness from someone, try asking yourself this question: “What am I forfeiting in the process? What is a lack of forgiveness keeping me from experiencing that might lead to a better way of life?”