A Man's Guide to PrayerEgzanp

What is Prayer?

Charles Spurgeon called prayer “the natural outgushing of a soul in communion with Jesus.”1 In his book Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster suggests, “Of all the spiritual disciplines, prayer is most central because it ushers in perpetual communion with the Father.” Most men who pick up this book are already investing themselves to some degree in prayer. Most of us already know the merits of praying. But that raises a question: Some men act on that knowledge, praying a lot. Others pray only a little. Why?

Let’s begin by defining terms. I see prayer as the conversation that turns salvation into a close personal relationship with God. So when I say “a little” and “a lot,” I’m not necessarily referring to a quantity of time. Some people talk a lot without actually saying much. Others say a lot in just a few words. Praying “a little” or “a lot” has more to do with the level of intimacy attained through prayer.

Sometimes men object to the word intimacy, but I think a secure man can admit that he craves a close relationship with God. Prayer plays an important part in making that happen. Real prayer is a two-way conversation. Certainly, we talk to God, but we also listen. Think about how boring it is when you go to lunch with someone who does nothing but talk. The result isn’t a conversation—it’s a monologue. When I refer to a man who prays a lot, I’m talking about a guy whose prayer is a conversation. I’m not talking about someone who prattles incessantly at God.

Why Should We Pray?

Most people pray to receive. They ask God to meet their needs or desires. Frankly, God invites us to do that, so let’s not demean that motivation. Let’s just say it’s not the only motivation. As noted, prayer is a primary venue for developing intimacy with God. That’s a precious gift, so why do many men resist praying?

I can only answer that for myself. When I refuse to pray, I sometimes find I’ve been subconsciously trying to “get back at God” for not doing what I wanted. In that emotional moment, it seems less than Christian to feel this way, so I suppress it. The problem is, it still comes out in my behavior—I avoid communication. If you are married, you know exactly what I mean. This is, of course, a form of passive-aggressive resistance.

It’s not an unusual response. In fact, we see it occasionally in biblical characters. For instance, God gave the prophet Jonah a job he didn’t like, so he sulked. He went silent and tried to run away. He boarded a ship to go in the opposite direction from the place God had directed him. He ended up in a storm, was thrown overboard, and swallowed by a fish before he finally repented and resumed praying.

Hopefully, you won’t have to experience such drastic measures when you need to repent and restore your relationship with God. But Jonah’s story dramatizes the risks of not praying.

If you sense you are “shutting down” in this area, please be honest. Go ahead and tell God, “You know, I’m really angry with You about this right now.” (Or perhaps you are hurt, disappointed, frustrated, scared, confused, doubtful. . . . You fill in the emotion.) Honest communication is much healthier than the passive-aggressive alternative.