Embracing SufferingEgzanp

Story 4 – Dying to Self in Suffering

I struggled to keep my head above the water as the swirling river filled my nostrils and threatened to drag me under again. The rock on my left was my last hope that I too, would not get smashed in the whirlpool. I reached out through the churning water to grab hold. My bloody and strained fingers threatened to give way as I prayed, experiencing the awesome power of water for the first time. I called out desperately to the one who had cut the channels in the rocks. Looking up, I saw a hand — Sandra, eight months pregnant, had ventured out to my rock in the river and helped me climb atop, saturated and exhausted. 

Seconds before, we were walking down the mountain path towards the pregnancy clinic. The sun was shining, but the river was rising, and Marie was standing on the path where we cross, frozen as the water rose up her legs. Alex was already in the drink, moving toward her with a rope, and I handed my phone, wallet and keys to my wife, who was standing with our two-year-old, so I could wade in to help. Marie was nearing 30 but was cognitively challenged and started to panic when she could no longer see her feet, though she was only steps away from safety. 

Suddenly, the undercurrent took her down, and she disappeared into the vortex. I altered my path to the angle of pursuit and jumped into the craggy stream and quickly doubted my swimming ability as passing debris pounded my sides, and I could neither see nor feel any trace of Marie. Alex, wiser and more experienced in the river than I, ran further downstream on the shore before diving in, but none of us would see Marie again for several days— when her body washed up many kilometers away. 

The wailing of grief and loss we heard from the sisters echoing through the mountains is not a sound easily forgotten. We wept together that day and many after. I did not expect to have an opportunity to lay down my life for another physically like I did that day. It happened almost by instinct, and as I look back, I don’t know if I was foolish, but I am thankful God sustained me. He also sustained us over the coming months as we had to choose to die to ourselves every day for the sake of our people and the name of Christ. 

We walked the river in the rain looking for her body for days on end. The time consisted of feeding the searchers, praying, comforting and crying. We had to stand up against corrupt police forces and a funeral home who found the body and held it at an outrageous ransom. We sat for a week at the wake while other ministry and our lives seemed to be on hold. We suffered together because this family, this community, was a part of us, and we were a part of them. 

And then, when there is no tragedy, there are still the lives of others and their needs; and we find that on some days, it is so much harder to die to self in our comforts and our desires than it is to jump into the raging river. 

Reflection Questions

What opportunities do you have to die to yourself today for the sake of the Gospel?

How does the suffering of others help us to die to ourselves? 

How does suffering help us to identify with Jesus and live in the light of His example to us?