Grieving With Hope Egzanp

Process Before Progress 

Grief brings an initial sting of pain when we realize what’s been lost. But it also appears when we’re reminded of our loss throughout the day. It can come on suddenly and before we know it, we’re in tears, full of anger, and feel absolutely hopeless. We don’t like hurting, but if we want to make any progress in our grief, we have to process through our pain—process before progress. 

Don’t Ignore It
The only way to get over grief is to get through it. To literally look grief square in the eyes and address it is incredibly difficult. We can’t subdue our grief nor can we let it strangle us. Addressing our grief means that we grieve when we need to grieve. We don’t ignore it, but stop what we’re doing and grieve. It could be through tears or screams. However we process our pain is how we process it. 

Don’t Compare It
There are different kinds of grief, and according to most experts, grief comes in stages. We may not hit all of them or even in the same order or at the same time. In fact, we may go through one, move through it, and then come back to it later. The point isn’t that we hit stages according to some plan, but that we understand that there’s not a “one size fits all” grief process. Your pain and experiences are yours. 

It may not be our own grief we’re processing, but instead watching someone else in theirs. And we don’t like it. We do or say things to try to get their mind off their loss. While there’s a time to help others so that they aren’t constantly sitting in their pain, we can’t rush people through grief because we’re uncomfortable watching them in it. Let’s think of their needs, not how awkward the situation feels. Maybe we just sit with them as they cry or provide a need for them that they just can’t do. Whatever it is, let’s keep them in mind and do our best to stay mostly silent.

It’s hard to see progress with grieving. In the early days, it feels like we’re drowning and not making progress, but we are. Grieving our loss actually takes an effort on our part to get to the end of grief’s road. Don’t lose heart.