How To Have Healthy Friendshipsדוגמה

I have had many women comment on how they long for close friendships like they see in others’ lives. Making deep friendships after your early twenties can be hard. The pool of friendship opportunities has shrunk. No longer do teams or dorms provide easy access to tons of people. And it’s hard to know where to start.

Start in the trenches.

Some of my closest friendships have emerged because we have walked through the same trenches together, the same valleys. We noticed one another doing similar hard things, and we bravely moved toward each other. And fifteen years later, we are each other’s inner circle of support. 

After I had my first child, I knew I was in over my head. I needed other friends who were in the same boat, with the same questions, and had the same difficulties. 

Two friends of mine also had babies that year, and we started to get together and share the motherhood load together. One was a working mom, another a stay-at-home mom. But it didn’t matter what side of the vaccine or schooling or working mommy wars we landed on, we stayed open to one another in the common hard task of raising children in the middle of a chaotic world. 

Are there women you keep running into because you have lives that overlap? Maybe at the office down from yours in your workplace? Or at the library with your kids about the same age? Or down the street as you get your mail around the same time? Or you keep commenting on the same social media posts?

Maybe this person is also in your same trench and could use a friend who can relate. I am confident that starting a conversation can lead to starting a friendship. And that friendship just could become your deepest source of support for many years to come.

Start with small talk. And then make an invite. Invite her to something you have in common: “We should run together!” See how the invites add up to real friendship. You can do this.

Today, pray, “God, help me to start small with making deep friendships, one step at a time. Show me where to step out in faith. Help me to make deep, lifelong, lasting friendships”