How to Navigate Real Church Life With Honesty and HumorEsimerkki

You Are More Than What You Do

Who would you be if everything was stripped away— your job, ministry, family? What would be your worth? We tend to place value on titles. “I’m a mom. I’m a pastor’s wife. I’m a pastor. I’m a you-fill-in-the-blank.” We stamp these titles onto our chests and puff them as we proudly strut with our fancy proverbial name tags while humbly serving Jesus. But what happens when that name tag is torn to shreds and we lose that title we hold dear?

I’ve been the one whose title was ripped away. When my husband and I were fired from our church position years ago, I was hurt, angry, and confused. I couldn’t bear the thought of stepping into another church building again. But a few weeks after my world was turned upside down, my husband dragged me to a new church. When I say he dragged me, I need you to imagine an ornery toddler flailing and sobbing at the sight of a mushy green vegetable concoction being coerced into her mouth. Now multiply the toddler’s frustration by a million, and then you’ll have me. In my wounded state, I was not ready to walk back into a building where there were people I didn’t know or trust.

A rush of conflicting emotions overwhelmed me when I shuffled into this new church. I felt welcomed, out of place, loved, and terrified in this unfamiliar setting. And when no one asked for my help or even knew my name, I felt unimportant and dispensable. I arrived like any average Joe. In hindsight, not being attacked at the door with everyone else’s needs was fantastic but a gut punch at that time. I wasn’t a youth pastor's wife, counselor, friend, or helper. I was plain Jane me.

I wrestled with these feelings for weeks, and the questions spiraled. What is my purpose? Who am I? What is my title? It was exhausting.

I leaned into an abundance of soul-searching and intentional time with Jesus to retrain my mind and heart, but not being a youth pastor’s wife pierced my soul deeply. I thrived at late-night church lock-ins and all the juvenile shenanigans and pranks (yep, I was your girl). I attended high school games, counseled teens through adolescent afflictions, and welcomed them into our home to hang out and gobble up every crumb from our pantry. I loved every minute! But that wasn’t my life anymore. It was just me.

Despite my sadness and sulking, God woke me up and reminded me of whose I was and what I am in Christ. I belonged to Jesus, and He alone begat my identity. Being a pastor’s wife wasn’t who I was or who I am now. I am who God says I am in His word. And these names and positions, I will always be. No matter what.

If you have confused your identity with your title, read these Scriptures and repeat who God says you are aloud. You are not your church title. You are His.

Romans 15:7 - I am accepted.

John 15:16 - I am chosen.

Galatians 4:7 - I am free.

1 John 1:9 - I am forgiven.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - I am a new person.

John 1:12 - I am a child of God.

Genesis 1:27- I am made in God’s image.