Strength in Brokenness: Reflections for Assisting Others With Traumatic PastsEsimerkki

Beyond the Bruises

Susan was brought up in a troubled home. Her parents constantly fought and her dad regularly hit her with a belt leaving welts and bruises. During her formative years, Susan felt as if she was invisible. She had no support system, no adult friend, and no reliable parent she could trust. She could barely get her words out as she described the betrayal she felt when articulating how her mother turned a blind eye to the situation and never came to her rescue. “I will never forgive her for that.”

Others who were engaged in this conversation adamantly agreed that Susan’s sentiments were justified. My soul grieved as I processed her childhood stories and concurred that no child should ever have to endure what she did. Later that evening, I reflected on Exodus 20:12, "Honor your father and mother, that your days be long in the land the Lord your God is giving you," feeling compelled to share it with Susan. In my eagerness to address her statement about her mother, I overlooked the importance of compassion and empathy. The next morning, I called Susan without expressing my genuine concern or offering a non-judgmental ear. Susan hung up the phone and stopped speaking to me for two years .…

In a world filled with distractions and conflicting messages, supporting those who are broken can be a delicate task. As followers of Christ, our focus should be on wholeheartedly loving God and edifying one another. While the fundamental commandment is to love God with everything we have, it is equally vital to prioritize loving and supporting others, as exemplified by Jesus. In reaching out to Susan, I should have emphasized the importance of compassion and understanding, aligning my actions with Mark 12:31, "Love your neighbor as yourself."

When responding to Susan it was important to approach her with empathy, respect, and a genuine desire to understand her perspective. Sadly, I learned this during the long, two-year period without her friendship. I longed to speak with her, apologize, acknowledge her pain, and express my understanding of the betrayal she experienced, and the impact it had on her life. Susan did not return my calls but I was confident in God's grace and desire to bring healing and comfort to her (Psalm 34:18) as He taught me some important lessons:

• What you say and how you say it matters. The Lord showed me the importance of a word fitly spoken. (Proverbs 25:11)
• Empathy and understanding are visible. (Romans 12:15) Offering support and understanding is crucial to loving others. The Lord taught me that every individual's journey is unique, and healing from such traumatic experiences can be complex. He heals the broken-hearted and uses us as his ambassadors of empathy and understanding.

While the friendship with my dear friend has been restored, I am thankful for the powerful lessons I learned and how the Lord has gently taught me to support and help carry the burdens of those who are struggling. (Galatians 6:2) Our God will give us hope in the silence and can transform any situation when we apply His holy Word to our circumstances.